Emotions and Feelings 101 (and maybe 102)

Emotions, feelings, moods, all the same thing.  Right?  Not at all.  And understanding our feelings is so foundational to understanding ourselves and being able to heal in therapy I thought it would be helpful to put together this quick guide to share with clients to help you gain more understanding of your own human system.  There’s much more detail to all of this, but hopefully, this guide will help get the gist of what is happening inside you.

 

Our brains have evolved over thousands of years.  Some parts of our brains we share with reptiles, some with other mammals, and some are unique to humans alone.  Generally speaking, the lower parts of our brain are the most basic and most similar to reptiles.  As you move upward, your brain gets more sophisticated.  The lower parts of our brains are designed to keep us alive.  The upper parts help us connect with others, communicate, understand, and make meaning of life.  These are the parts that make us different from other animals.  But we also need to understand how the lower parts of our brain affect us too!

From: http://erikmessamore.com/what-is-emotion-regulation-and-how-do-we-do-it/

 

Emotionally speaking, the lower parts of our brain are responsible for instinctual survival functions in the face of a threat.  These are all actions that usually happen without our consciousness involved because the impulsive instinctual brain is faster than our cognitive brain.

 

Fight – get stronger and attack the threat

Flight – get away from the threat

Freeze – don’t move, play dead, so hopefully, the threat will go away

Fawn – act pleasing, innocent, harmless, and endearing so the threat doesn’t see you as a threat to avoid the conflict


Where our lower brains are not so smart is that in modern-day, the threat isn’t usually a tiger or assailant but could be a look from someone, a social media post, a raised voice from a friend or family member, an insult, or any number of things that raise our hackles in big or small ways.  Our brains sometimes respond in one of the above survival ways when our survival isn’t being threatened at all, especially if we have had past exposure to traumatic events.  

 

These four survival emotions get a little more sophisticated as we move to the mid-brain and with a little more awareness, they get shaped into the basic emotions that all humans in all cultures experience.  These emotions exist to help us relate to other people.  Different researchers have categorized them differently, but I like to use the five basic emotions that mostly rhyme to help people remember them.  MAD, SAD, AFRAD (afraid), GLAD, SHAME/GUILT.  Shame and guilt feel similar, but are two different things. Shame means I’m bad (unhealthy), guilt means I did something bad (healthy) to help us have remorse and repair.  

 

Notice most of these are what most people call “negative” feelings and only one is “positive.”  I think we evolved like this for a reason, to help us avoid doing things that cause us or people we care about harm.  But unfortunately, it leads to a negativity bias in our brains and a positivity bias in our external relationships trying to balance out the scales.  In reality, we need all of these feelings so there is no such thing as a positive or negative feeling.  They are all helpful information to help us understand our inner and external worlds.

 

If you can get a solid grasp of being able to feel and identify when you are feeling the 5 basic emotions, you have most of what you need to be an emotionally intelligent human being.  Being able to communicate emotions with others helps us to relate and connect with others, to understand and be understood, and to be able to give and receive support.  I consider this to be a foundational human skill.  As our relationships get more complex and we get better at communicating, we have need for more precise emotional words, so psychologists have invented various versions of the emotion wheel to show how these basic emotions get more nuanced.  

 

Some of these feelings can overlap, and we can feel multiple emotions at the same time.  So don’t misunderstand the wheel to be the ultimate truth.  See if you can find your own language for your own expression of your emotions.

Emotion Wheel

From: https://practicalpie.com/the-emotion-wheel/

 

As you can see, our feelings can go from quite simplistic and primal survival to emotions of relating to quite complex and nuanced.  That’s why it’s important to distinguish between emotions and feelings.  Emotions can sometimes feel big and overwhelming.  Almost as if the emotions have us more than we have them.  Feeling overwhelmed by emotion often comes from little awareness and understanding of emotions and triggers for them.  As we gain more awareness and skill, we can be a person having our emotions rather than our emotions having us.  This increase in awareness and distance from the raw intensity of emotion combined with thoughts turns them into feelings.  Feelings are very important information.  They help us make decisions about what is right for us and what we need to stay away from and can lead us to conscious action and/or communication.  

 

When we are consumed with emotion, we often don’t have access to critical thinking or discernment that is available when we are feeling.  Sometimes we even act out of an emotion, such as yelling at someone (anger/fight) or distancing ourselves or avoiding something (fear/flight) or going numb (fear/freeze).  This usually happens with little consciousness or choice.  So we are acting out an emotion (doing) rather than feeling and communicating about a feeling which is usually more helpful.

 

The more consciousness we bring to ourselves, the more choice we have to understand and act appropriately.  And we can often increase the time between the stimulus that causes the emotion and the response (impulsively or consciously) to act in a more appropriate way.  Without awareness, we respond impulsively or emotionally, which might cause more harm than good.  

 

Here’s a chart I made to visualize the process I’m talking about.  

As you can see, doing, feeling, and thinking follows the evolution of the brain.  Reptiles do without awareness or feeling.  Mammals have the ability to feel and relate to others but may not have words and thoughts like humans. Humans have all of the above with the addition of complex language and cognitive abilities.  One function isn’t necessarily better than another; we need them all.  Thinking can help us make sense of and respond more effectively to our emotions and feelings.  But when used to excess without connection to feeling or emotion or action, thinking can also disconnect us from ourselves, our life, and others.  So thinking, too has to be used and responded to appropriately, just like emotions. We need doing, feeling, thinking, and being all accessible to us at the right time and place.  

 

Further, overthinking and rumination often lead to a stuckness of emotion or feeling, which leads to moods.  Moods are more generalized, pervasive emotional states that can last days, weeks, months, or even years.   Emotions come and go, just like the weather.  When we try not to feel them by suppressing or repressing them, they can get stuck and lead to moods.   Unpacking moods, like being depressed, can take time to really understand all the inputs from both present and past experiences as well as the unnamed unexplored feelings that comprise the mood. 

 

As I said, this is a quick overview of our emotional systems.  There is some more information in the links above.  There’s a bit more to it, and some of this is a broad generalization to help distinguish what is happening. Understanding these basics help tremendously to help you understand yourself and others.  People often think that our thoughts control our feelings; and they do to some extent. But our survival instincts and the basic raw emotions that evolved out of them can be much more powerful than our thoughts.  Just try to control your feelings with thoughts when you get dumped by a partner you really cared about, lose a job that you loved, get into a physical fight, or anything else that touches into our survival needs.  

 

The way I see it, our thoughts and feelings and actions are all in relationship to each other, all equally valid, no one mode is more important than the other.  The more you understand what is happening inside of you and outside of you and have awareness of what emotions and feelings are being experienced, the more you can engage your full self and your relationships to prevent things from spiraling out of control into overwhelm,  unconscious action, or a stuck stagnant mood.   

 

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach and is a student of depth psychology. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

 

New Openings in Psyche & Soul Group

A Depth Psychology Growth Group Bridging Inner Life and Outer Life Adventures

Join us in community for depth healing utilizing the map and mirrors of depth somatic experiential psychology. This group bridges the world of our ordinary waking life roles and structures with that of our inner world. This is not a group about fixing you, teaching you skills, or requiring you to be “better” – rather it is a group where all of you, in your brilliance and in your struggle with shadow, is welcome. It is a group that is led by psyche, soul, and spirit informed by your life and experience facilitated by a trained guide (not a teacher).

In this group, you bring the topics – based on what is alive in you.  What is challenging you? What is inspiring you? What is showing up in your world that feels impactful or meaningful? Whether that aliveness is a dream you had, a poem or song that moved you, a meditation practice that taught you, a social media post that triggered you or brightened your day, grief that brought you to your knees, a stuck-ness so tight it paralyzes you or a movement that opened or freed you. This group is a space to for community exploration, meditation, and reflection to bring more life and soul into your world.

Who is this group for?

In short, it’s a group for people who have some experience working with their own psyche who know the value of doing deep transpersonal work with the reflections of others.   This group starts with the philosophy that we are all human, and we are all in this together.  And through working with our individual gifts and shadows together, we help each other. And perhaps even see that they are not problems, but invitations to grow. This group is for people willing to engage in their own healing by giving and receiving support, and opening to wisdom and support of a variety of modalities that connect you with your heart, mind, body, and soul.

We aim toward self leadership and self actualization.  How do we do that?

We are all struggling to know and become the fullest version of our “real,” true, unique selves. We create a space to learn more about ourselves and experience new aspects of ourselves through content, process, and interpersonal relationships with other group members.

We recognize we have the tendency to deny our own needs and feelings. To pretend to be someone we aren’t or to avoid facing our true self inhibits growth. In this group, we take responsibility for owning our needs and feelings and expressing unexpressed thoughts, so the facilitator and other group members co-create the space to meet those new places in yourself and possibly have your needs and feelings met in an embodied way.

We believe each individual is endowed with the urge to expand, develop, mature, and reach self-actualization. We believe that true growth and healing come from within, and this group is designed to help facilitate that process. 

Even in the best of times, it is easy to fall into despair – by not living the life that is yours to live or by feeling disconnected from the greater story of life and your place in the order of things. In these times of chaos and uncertainty, this group will help you reconnect to the life that is yours to live and reconnect you with the bigger picture and meaning to provide fuel and inspiration for the challenges we face.

Logistics

Ongoing. Weekly. Thursdays 11:30-1:00. In person with a zoom in option for health or travel.

Open to all genders age 25+.

8-week minimum commitment to allow for relationships and group cohesion to form.  Stay as long as the group is beneficial to you.  When it’s not, have an intentional ending and find what is more right for you.  

Financial Investment $40-$60 per group sliding scale.

About the facilitator: Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is passionate about group work being an important part of our growth and healing journey.  With over a decade of experience guiding individual and group processes in council, dreamwork, interpersonal process groups, psychodrama, meditation, Hakomi somatic psychotherapy, ego state (parts) work, Jungian psychology, movement, music, and nature based practices. He weaves all of these practices together to help clients locate themselves in the world co-creating new experiences of authenticity, depth, meaning, insight, and inspiration.  With the diversity of members, modalities, and lineages the community formed in a group experience offers more possibility and amplification of the growth process.  

To register for more information to decide if this group is right for you, email [email protected] or call 970.829.0478.

Opening in Men’s Group

If you’ve been wanting to join the Men’s Group, good news! There are two openings for new members in our Men’s Interpersonal Process Group.

This men’s interpersonal process group can help you get more real, more honest with yourself and others propelling you into deeper relationships and deeper success through challenge and support by other men. It is a real-time lab, where you will experience yourself and others with greater awareness and be able to try new behaviors and ways of
relating to being more effective in your life.

All topics and goals are welcome. Common themes are anger, depression, anxiety, personal identity, masculinity, relationships with women and/or other men, assertiveness, sex/sexuality, disconnect from emotions, work problems, fatherhood, confidence/self-esteem, accountability, honesty, spirituality, and finding purpose and meaning in life.

This group has been running weekly for the past 5 years facilitated by Chuck and over a decade prior to that facilitated by a psychologist who retired passing it on to Chuck. The long-running stability, diversity of age, background, and experience of the members, and experience of the facilitator are rare.


The ideal man will have had previous or current experience in therapy or other personal growth, but motivation and desire for greater self awareness will also enable you to benefit if this is your first growth experience.


All men are welcome in this group. You are welcome with all of your struggles, your gifts, your challenges, your gender, your sexuality, your personality, your pain, your shame, your questions, your desires.


All of you are welcome here!
Tuesday Evenings
5:00-6:30

$50 per group. 8 week minimum commitment, but most people will want to continue on long term for the support, authentic relationships, and unique opportunity to grow with a safe, established, circle of men and trained, experienced, professional facilitator.

Facilitated by: Chuck Hancock, M.Ed., LPC. Chuck has over a decade of experience participating in and leading men’s groups, experiential groups, therapy groups, wilderness groups, interpersonal process groups, ritual and rites of passage programs, and teaching college courses. Chuck is highly trained in treating trauma, mindfulness,
somatic therapy, and is a member of Colorado Group Psychotherapy Society and a perpetual student of intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship patterns.

5 Foundational Tools and 200 Coping Skills Everyone Should Have for a Balanced Life

Here are the 5 Foundational Tools and 200+ Coping Skills Everyone Should Have to be able to self-regulate

Our mental and emotional stress ebbs and flows throughout life as our schedules, routines, and work tasks change.  Because of this, I highly recommend that we all do a daily check in – two or three times per day even with our current mental, emotional, physical, and stress levels.  The human body can only handle so much, and our mental, emotional, physical, and relational stress all take a significant toll on our nervous system.  

It doesn’t have to take too much time, a simple traffic light works great: 

  • Green – I’m good, great even perhaps!  Keep going (if you want to)!
  • Yellow – I need to be careful, use caution, pay close attention, consider slowing down.
  • Red – Stop right now or harm will come.  

Or if you are more numbers focused, a 0-10 scale also works great where 0 represents calm and relaxed and 9-10 signifies stop right now, I can’t take anymore. 

So once you start monitoring your nervous system and recognize that you need to reduce stress, what do you do?  There are 5 foundational tools all supported by research that are very effective in reducing stress as well as difficult moods like anxiety and depression.  Having these tools in your back pocket are great when you need to reduce your stress levels or even better, build into healthy life routines to maintain a sustainable pace as much as possible.

Mindfulness – Find several flavors of mindfulness exercises that work for you.  See my resources section, YouTube, or apps like Insight Timer, Calm, or Headspace have many guided practices.  Some key practices are focusing meditation (on your breath, music, candle, object in nature, etc), listening to relaxing music or binaural beats, body scan meditation, walking meditation, and loving kindness meditation. My personal favorite is walking in nature paying attention to your 5 senses.

Exercise – Any exercise will do – walking, running, bodyweight fitness, calisthenics, weight lifting, stretching, yoga, martial arts, sports.  Get your body moving and heart rate up with activities that are appropriate for your body and skill level.  Even doing pushups, jumping jacks, burpees, until you can’t do any more for 5 minutes makes a difference!  You don’t have to commit to a full training program!

Nature – So much has been written on the benefits of nature.  See here for a brief introduction.  Go outside and use your 5 senses (hear, smell, sight, touch, taste – well, be careful what you taste outside).  It can be just outside your home, your closest park, a patch of grass, your closest favorite trail, or a wilderness destination.  Just get outside!

Communication – Communication helps you get beyond yourself to connect with other people, nature, pets, or the transpersonal (spiritual) realms.This is a big topic, but for now, know that being able to effectively communicate to connect with others beyond yourself so you can express yourself creatively and effectively is another essential skill.  There are many effective communication skills and strategies that you can learn, and there are many blocks to communication that can happen in yourself or with others.  Taking time to develop the ability to communicate your wants, needs, ideas, requests, and feelings is essential for a healthy balanced life.  Which leads to:

Emotional Intelligence – The definition of an emotion in the Psychology 101 textbook I used to teach from is that it is a subjective physiological experience.  That is, your feelings are yours, and they happen in your body.  The foundation for knowing yourself, effectively communicating with others, and managing your stress is emotional intelligence.  Some people say that our thoughts control our feelings, which has some truth, but really our emotions are often way more powerful than our thoughts.  Our minds create stories to make sense of our feelings at least as much as our thoughts create our feelings.  Knowing what you are feeling, to what degree, and being able to be honest with yourself and the right others is an essential skill for being human.  Research shows that no matter what culture, education level, or level of industrialization of your community, all humans feel the same 5 basic emotions:

Mad (also known as frustrated, annoyed, etc)

Sad (also known as down, blue, moody, etc)

Glad (also known as happy, joyful, content, peaceful, etc)

Fear (also known as anxious, nervous, tense, etc)

Shame/Guilt (pretty self explanatory, but helpful to distinguish between Guilt – a healthy emotion of I did something wrong and feel bad about, and Shame – I am bad)

Being able to identify our basic feelings is a foundational step to a healthy balanced life, understanding yourself, and relating to others. I invite you to add onto the traffic light or 0-10 scale exercise above by naming the feeling that goes with it and where it is happening in your body.

When the above 5 Foundational Tools are well developed, it will go a long way to help you manage your life more effectively and live with greater wellness and health.  Getting skilled at using these tools takes time and practice.  Our team of therapists can help you learn and refine these skills.  Further, when you need a break because the stress is just too high (you are at a “red light”) and none of these foundational tools are working, it’s time for something more basic.  That’s when the coping skills below come in handy.  Use the ones that seem helpful to you, ignore the rest.  Everyone is different and likes different things.

So there you have it – 5 Foundational Tools to develop and 200 coping skills to help you live a healthy well balanced life.  If you get good at all of this, are living life effectively and are content, then give yourself a big congratulations!  That is something!  For many of us though, these skills are just the tools that make deeper exploration possible.  It’s difficult to do deeper therapy without these skills, but these skills are not the end of the road.  Once you are ready to understand the bigger picture patterns that create unneeded stress and keep you repeating the old patterns, you know it is time to seek an Inner Life Guide – a therapist skilled at depth work.  That is our specialty!


So, reach out when you are ready.  Whether you are at the beginning of the trail, haven’t yet left your home, or are deep in the wilderness, we’ll meet you where you are and guide you to greater health and wellness!

Big List of 200+ Coping Skills

Cognitive

  • Self-monitoring
    • Identify your stress level 
    • Identify your emotions
    • Identify how this shows up in your body
  • Cognitive restructuring
    • Challenging the truth/assumptions of your thoughts
    • Refram with positive self-talk/reassurance
    • Say something kind to yourself
    • Say “I can do this”
    • Make a list of positive affirmations
    • List your positive qualities/strengths (and refer to it often)
    • Compliment yourself
    • Act opposite of negative feelings you’re experiencing
    • List things you are proud of
    • Make a gratitude list
    • Keep a daily positive experiences journal
    • Start a notebook with different inspirational and meaningful quotes
    • Make a “forget it” list
  • Setting and managing goals
  • Decision making pros and cons
  • Brainstorm solutions to a problem you are facing
  • Keep an inspirational quote with you
  • Read a magazine
  • Write a thank you note
  • Take pictures
  • Write a list
  • Schedule time for yourself
  • Write a story
  • Blog
  • Count to 100, then do it backwards
  • Do a crossword or sudoku puzzle
  • Play a word game on your phone/computer
  • Plan a trip
  • Write down your thoughts
  • Identify a positive thought
  • Make your day’s schedule
  • Make a to-do list
  • Write 
  • Journal
  • Plan a dream vacation
  • Research a topic of interest
  • Start your memoir
  • Start a blog
  • Research your family tree
  • Look at pictures you’ve taken
  • Start a dream journal
  • Do a puzzle
  • Write a short story or poem – refrain from self judgement or critique – give yourself permission for it to be really bad if necessary
  • Count backwards from 500
  • Think of 3 foods for every letter of the alphabet
  • Play a video game
  • Visualize a stop sign
  • Notice and name 5 things you can see, hear, and touch.
  • Color a mandala or a page from an adult coloring book
  • Practice playing an instrument

Emotional

  • Cry
  • Watch a funny video
  • Name your feelings
  • Name the triggers to your feelings
  • Watch a sad movie/video
  • Laugh
  • Scream into a pillow
  • Smile in the mirror
  • Move anger through movement, slamming pillows, or throwing or breaking rocks
  • Find a way to amplify your feelings to catharsis
  • Feel fear, remind yourself you are safe (if you really are safe)
  • Make a list of things you are grateful for.  Feel the feeling of gratitude.  What does it feel like?
  • Tell someone you love them
  • Tell yourself you love and care about yourself

Somatic (physical)

  • Deep breaths – 10, then 10 more if needed
  • Progressive muscle relaxation – systematically tense and relax all your muscles
  • Do a positive activity
  • Play sports
  • Stretch
  • Take a walk
  • Practice yoga
  • Give yourself or someone else a massage
  • Ask for a massage
  • Go for a bike ride
  • Play with clay
  • Crawl and roll around on the floor
  • Visualize your favorite place
  • Listen to music
  • Eat a healthy snack
  • Jog in place
  • Do pushups, squats, jumping jacks, or anything to exhaustion
  • Hum your favorite song
  • Clean something
  • Use a stress ball
  • Dance
  • Sexual self pleasure
  • Build something
  • Play with clay
  • Rip paper into pieces
  • Chew gum
  • Paint your nails
  • Garden
  • Paint
  • Drink some tea and pay attention to the temperature, flavors, and smells
  • Pet an animal
  • Organize something
  • Listen to nature sounds
  • Take a bath/shower
  • Use aromatherapy
  • Put on a face mask
  • Sing
  • Go for a drive
  • Watch television
  • Go shopping
  • Blow bubbles
  • Squeeze or suck on an ice cube
  • Sit in the sun and close your eyes
  • Throw rocks into the woods
  • Suck on a peppermint
  • Do the dishes
  • Make (and listen to) an upbeat playlist
  • Move your body to music
  • Scream into a pillow
  • Swim
  • Use nicely scented lotion
  • Get a massage
  • Play hacky sack
  • Stargaze
  • Give yourself a facial
  • Play a video game
  • Watch sports
  • Wear soft/comfortable clothes

Transpersonal/spiritual

  • Pray
  • Meditate
  • Attend a church service, group meditation, or yoga class
  • Listen to a recorded inspirational or spiritual talk
  • Get out in nature and talk to a natural object, plant, or animal
  • Do self generated ritual or ceremony
  • Talk with your deceased loved ones or ancestors

Behavioral and Social/relational

  • Behavioral activation
    • Complete something you have been putting off
    • Try a new recipe
    • Create a vision board
    • Make a bucket list
    • Call or write your senator to discuss an issue that’s important to you
    • Learn a new skill
      • Learn how to play an instrument
      • Learn how to read sheet music
      • Learn how to code
      • Learn 10 new words
      • Learn photography
      • Study and learn a foreign language
      • Take a class
    • Slow down, breath as you are doing things
  • Research something you’re interested in or would like to learn more about
  • Get enough sleep – keep a sleep log if sleep is a challenge
  • Take a nap
  • Volunteer
  • Go to library
  • Go for a picnic
  • Watch a movie
  • Draw/doodle/color
  • Ask yourself “What do I need right now?”
  • Play a game
  • Ask for and take a break
  • Enjoy a hobby
  • Shoot hoops
  • Shoot a bow and arrow
  • Dake a day for self care
  • Play an instrument
  • Reward or pamper yourself
  • Create art
  • Go for a relaxing drive out of town
  • Destroy something (that you can afford to lose)
  • Sew, knit, crochet
  • Make a collage of your favorite things
  • Work on the car
  • Cook or bake
  • Paint a room
  • Make a gift for someone.  Give it to them.
  • Give a small gift to a random person
  • Restore furniture
  • Play with a pet
  • Listen to music with a friend
  • Feed ducks/birds
  • Visit an animal shelter
  • Make your bed
  • Clean your room, kitchen, or whole house
  • Clean out your car
  • Turn on all of the lights
  • Fly a kite
  • Join a book club
  • Talk to a friend
  • Give someone a hug
  • Tell someone you are thankful for them
  • Express your feelings to someone
  • Smile at others
  • Meet a friend at a park, home, coffee shop, or restaurant
  • Get dressed up in a nice outfit
  • Put on makeup – fun, funky, creative or fancy and beautiful – your choice
  • Schedule an appointment for therapy

Tying it all together with practice accepting the things you cannot change,

Cultivating the courage to change the things you can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

SAFE – Working with our Emotions with Compassion for Ourselves and Others

‘‘When we don’t feel safe, our brains fall into a fear mindset and don’t allow for our natural states of joy, calm and happiness to arise.’’

SAFE is a simple acronym for a practice you can use to ignite the natural anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine of self-compassion. In this time of uncertainty, there are lots of things being felt. To make it through, we have to be able to work with our emotions in a healthy way, not ignore them or “just think positively.”  It might work for a short time, but eventually you’ll run out of energy to keep supressing other feelings and welcoming only positive ones. When you are feeling something you don’t want to be feeling, try this practice.

S – Soften into the feeling. This implies a type of gentle recognition of the feeling or sensation in your body. Focus your awareness toward it softly.  If you can, maybe even naming it. “Breathing in, opening to the sadness/fear/vulnerability that is there, breathing out, softening into it.”  But if you can’t name it easily, don’t get hung up on it.  Sometimes it is even better to not, as words and labels may make us jump to assumptions about it.  But do make sure it is a feeling or sensation in your body, not a belief or narrative about something.

A Allow it to be as it is, without resisting, trying to change it, or clinging to it.  For as long as needed, but aim for at least a few minutes.  Most likely not more than a few days.  If it lasts more than a few days or weeks, some outside help or support may be needed.

F – Feel into the emotion that is there even more with a kind attention and compassion for it. In doing this we can also drop in questions to connect our mind with our feelings:  “What is it trying to tell me?”  “What is it’s message for me right now?“ “What does this feeling believe?”” or “What do I need right now?” When we discover this we might give that to ourselves. For example, if we sense that we need to feel loved and to feel safe, we might say, “May I feel loved, May I feel safe, etc…”  We may need rest, connection, care, food, movement, etc.  I’d encourage you to keep your gift related to your inner process, rather than feeling like you need to take external action, especially to change or avoid the feeling.

E Expand awareness of all people who also experience this feeling.  Remind yourself that while your situation may feel unique to you, the feeling you are experiencing is also experienced by virtually every human on this planet.  This feeling, this vulnerability of sadness, fear, anger, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, resistance, or any difficult experience is a universal human experience. This is a core component of self-compassion. Here is where we understand that we are not alone and that in this very moment there are thousands if not millions of people who are experiencing this very same feeling. The “E” of SAFE is where we inspire connection with the rest of humanity. In this practice we can also take what we learned from the “F” of SAFE and send it outward to specific people you know that also experience this or to humanity in general saying, “May we all feel loved, May we all feel safe, etc… Some people find it helpful to do this with a hand on their heart, stomach or both.

If you have trouble focusing on your inner experience in this way, it may be helpful to first ground yourself with input from your 5 senses.  Paying attention to information first from the outside world of what you can hear, see, smell, touch/feel, and taste.  Ask yourself, am I really SAFE in this moment?  Is there an immediate threat?  Most likely, there is not anything that has to happen this exact moment.  Then allow yourself to come back to the SAFE exercise.

SAFE Acronym by Elisha Goldstein, PhD, explanations and expansion provided by Chuck Hancock, LPC, EMDR II of Inner Life Adventures 

New Trauma Therapy Group Forming

 

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.  ~Brene Brown

All of you is welcome here.  Living with traumatic experiences often makes us feel like we have to hide a part of ourselves because of our own shame or because we don’t believe the world will understand or support us.  Many who have experienced trauma live with depression, isolation, anxiety, addictions, or other issues. Engaging in group therapy may sound scary, but it has been my experience that healing occurs most profoundly when we can experience human connection while being with the events and parts of us with which we felt the most alone and unsafe.  You don’t have to handle difficult things on your own.

Utilizing the latest research in treating trauma, this group draws upon the work somatic psychotherapy, experiential psychotherapy, attachment, mindfulness practices, interpersonal relationship, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), DBT self regulation and distress tolerance skills, EMDR, ecotherapy, and Internal Family Systems.

Format

This weekly group is open to all genders and will provide a safe, supportive space that teaches mindfulness, 

grounding, and resourcing skills and developing strength and resilience as a foundation.  Moving beyond skills, participants will discuss and support each other in managing current life triggers. As safety and trust deepen and when the time is right, there will be opportunities for each member to be able to process and do therapeutic work around their trauma in a group format. Harnessing the power of a safe supportive group container, people can feel even more held and safe to process events and receive support from a community of understanding people.  

Consent is key, and sometimes healing in and of itself.  Learning how to say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no is a part of every group.  You will be empowered to participate or not participate to whatever level you are ready and wanting.  

The group meets weekly and is ongoing every Thursday evening.  In order to establish safety, rapport, and trust in the group, each person is asked to make at least an 8 week commitment to the group.  Many will stay on beyond the minimum to continue building trust, healthy healing relationships, and being able to work through challenges slowly and safely.  The group will have at least 4 and at most 8 members.

To enroll
Contact Chuck ([email protected] or 970.829.0478) to setup a free 30 minute group screening and consultation.  If it seems like a good fit, you will be able to start as soon as the group feels it is ready for a new member.  It is highly recommended that you have an individual therapist as well, but exceptions may be made depending on your situation.

Cost

$50 per group.  Some insurance accepted.  Call your insurance company and ask about coverage for group therapy.  

Still not sure?

Articles for further reading on trauma specific therapy groups

https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-things-i-learned-in-trauma-group-therapy/

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-benefits-of-group-therapy-for-ptsd-2797656

 

Download the Trauma Therapy Group Flyer  to print or email to someone who may need this group.

You Should Get Outside More (says science)

Summary of research and a few exercises you can useCanyon in NM

I don’t use the word should very often.  It’s a dirty word. And who am I to tell anyone they should do anything? But I will right now: you should get outside more!  And it’s not just me saying this, it’s science!

I’ve long been a lover of the outdoors participating in numerous sports and other outdoor activities over the course of my life. However it was about 10 years ago when I was on a 4 day backpacking trip with a self admitted stress-loving over-working friend of mine that I first caught a glimpse of the true power of the wilderness beyond being just a venue for recreation. It was on this trip that I solidified my decision to go back to grad school to become a counselor because I wanted to help people get to the place of openness, self-exploration, relaxation, and motivation that I saw in my friend that day.  I’ve learned a lot of skills and tools over the years, but none have been as good as nature to get the effects I saw that trip.

One of my biggest fears is being judged, so I’ve only dipped my toe in the outdoor therapy world until this point. The last thing I want to be judged as is a long haired tree hugging hippy who takes people into the woods to reconnect with nature with drum circles to find their lost soul (Not that there is anything wrong with any of that – I’ve done them all and they are great! You may consider trying those things too 😉 ).  But I know that scene is repulsive to some people so I’ve purposely stayed away from it professionally, because I know that sometimes people who are afraid to drop their guard enough to try something that far out of their comfort zone can be the people that need the power of the outdoors most.

So lately, I’ve been excited to find that more research is being done to understand what effects being outside does have on our minds and bodies. In this recent National Geographic article, the author does a great job summarizing the results of international research from the past few years. I still recommend reading it, but here are some of the main research points if you don’t have time.

Scroll down to the bold print to skip the research and get right to the exercise.

Being outside helps your brain take a break from it’s constant use. This can reduce stress, increase creativity, Snowy Trailand produce a difference in qualitative thinking. We think it lets the pre-frontal cortex unplug for a bit (the part of our brain in charge of cognitive function, rational thought, planning, personality, social expression,
inhibitions, decision making, executive functioning, and more.)  The most pronounced changes happens after being outside for 3 days.

But even a 15-minute walk in the woods causes measurable changes in physiology. Japanese researchers at Chiba University sent 84 subjects to stroll in seven different forests, while the same number of volunteers walked around city centers. The forest walkers hit a relaxation jackpot: Overall they showed a 16 percent decrease in the stress hormone cortisol, a 2 percent drop in blood pressure, and a 4 percent drop in heart rate. Researcher Miyazaki believes our bodies relax in pleasant, natural surroundings because they evolved there. Our senses are adapted to interpret information about plants and streams, he says, not traffic and high-rises.

The South Koreans have been doing research on the impact of work stress, long hours, digital addiction, and academic pressures. They are now devoting some forests as healing centers and prescribing time in nature to help combat these maladies. They have research that shows forest healing reduces medical costs

Several unrelated studies in England, Denmark, Canada, and Scotland all showed lower mortality, fewer stress hormones, less mental distress and lower incidence of 15 diseases including depression, anxiety, heart disease, diabetes, asthma, and migraines even when adjusted for confounding variables. That is levels of income, education, employment, and exercise did not effect the data. Just living near green space made aHorsetooth Reservoir in Fort Collins difference. If anything, lower income people seemed to benefit the most.

“In Finland, a country that struggles with high rates of depression, alcoholism, and suicide, government-funded researchers asked thousands of people to rate their moods and stress levels after visiting both natural and urban areas. Based on that study and others, Professor Liisa Tyrväinen and her team at the Natural Resources Institute Finland recommend a minimum nature dose of five hours a month—several short visits a week—to ward off the blues. “A 40- to 50-minute walk seems to be enough for physiological changes and mood changes and probably for attention,” says Kalevi Korpela, a professor of psychology at the University of Tampere. He has helped design a half dozen “power trails” that encourage walking, mindfulness, and reflection. Signs on them say things like, “Squat down and touch a plant.””

“Korean researchers used functional MRI to watch brain activity in people viewing different images. When the volunteers were looking at urban scenes, their brains showed more blood flow in the amygdala, which processes fear and anxiety. In contrast, the natural scenes lit up the anterior cingulate and the insula—areas associated with empathy and altruism. It may also make us nicer to ourselves. Stanford researcher Greg Bratman and his colleagues scanned the brains of 38 volunteers before and after they walked for 90 minutes, either in a large park or on a busy street in downtown Palo Alto. The nature walkers, but not the city walkers, showed decreased activity in the subgenual prefrontal cortex—a part of the brain tied to depressive rumination—and from their own reports, the nature walkers beat themselves up less.”

And the nature you visit doesn’t have to be in a wilderness area and it doesn’t just affect mood. Another study showed a 50-minute walk in an arboretum improved executive attention skills, such as short-term memory, while walking along a city street did not. “Imagine a therapy that had no known side effects, was readily available, and could improve your cognitive functioning at zero cost,” the researchers wrote in their paper. It exists, they continued, and it’s called “interacting with nature.”

San Luis Valley

To summarize, there is research that suggests viewing and/or being in nature can reduce stress, reduce disease (including depression, anxiety, heart disease, diabetes, asthma, and migraines), decrease blood pressure and heart rate, improve attention, improve mood, increase empathy and altruism, increase creativity, decrease depressive rumination, and while I haven’t seen research that supports this, my experience is that most people tend to enjoy themselves and have a good time. Not bad for something that is free.

So like I said earlier, you really should get outside more. Just getting outside can help. Do it regularly, do it often, and at least once in a while, go for longer periods of time. If you want to make your time outside even more restorative and connecting, here’s a few tips and tools I’ve learned from personal observation that can enhance your experience.

  1. Disconnect from time. If you have a time limit, set a timer or alarm for 1/2 the amount of time you are willing to give to this experience. When this sounds, you will need to turn around and make your way back. Until then, don’t worry about time, your timer will tell you when you need to head back. Let yourself be fully present to the natural environment.
  2. Mark your transition from your urban/suburban/societal/structured/scheduled life into the natural world. When you leave the parking lot, sidewalk, building, etc and enter into natural space, make a mental note that you are shifting from one way of being into another. At this point, be sure your phone is on silent, your to-do list is put away, your calendar holds your obligations, and anything that is taking mental space is put on hold for the duration of your journey.If necessary, physically stop and mentally put down stresses, issues, people, thoughts, feelings, responsibilities, or anything currently bothering you that could get in the way of you being present with the natural world. Imagine a container to hold them and/or put them near a rock, tree, or entrance and leave them there. You can pick them up again on your way out (if you want).
  3. If there is something you are pondering or something is really bothering you and you would be open to letting your creative subconscious mind work on it for you, set an intention or ask a question as you enter this space. Then drop it. Notice what you notice (see below) while you are in the natural environment, and maybe there will be some insight into your situation. Or maybe not, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
  4. Come back to your senses!  Just notice what you notice. When in natural space, let your Mountain Streamanalytical mind take a break and instead focus on your senses. What do you sense outside of you with your sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch? What do you notice in your body as you move? What do you notice in your emotional and
    energetic state? What thoughts pop into your mind automatically? Just notice what you notice, then notice something else. Over and over again while you are there.
  5. Let your curiosity awaken. What do your eyes get drawn to? What sounds do you hear? What made them?  Don’t worry about right and wrong or really knowing the answer. Just be curious. Which direction will you head? Let your curiosity and intuition be your guide. When you find something interesting, stop and study it with all your senses.  What will you discover?  I’m getting excited for you!
  6. When it is time to leave, before you leave the space pause for a minute or two and reflect on all that you noticed. Offer thanks to yourself for letting yourself have the time and thanks to the space and any creatures, insights, or special moments that presented themselves.
  7. Bring the experience back into your ordinary life. Write about your experience and/or tell somebody that will just listen. Let these questions guide you: What happened here? (Recount as much as you can) What did you learn from it? What are the bigger picture deeper lessons? How can it inform my life? How did this time outside help me?Sun Shining Through the Trees

So there you go. Get outside. Deepen in your relationship with yourself and with the natural world. Do this with a friend or family member and deepen in your relationship with them. If you have questions or would like to share your experience with this exercise, I’d love to hear from you. Email me at [email protected].  Hope to see you outside!

 

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

 

 

 

Is your analytic brain still not convinced? Here are links to more articles and research.

Nature and Mental Health, Cognitive Function, Attention: https://depts.washington.edu/hhwb/Thm_Mental.html

Exploring the Mental Health Benefits of Natural Environments
http://journal.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01178/full

Stanford researchers find mental health prescription: Nature.
http://news.stanford.edu/news/2015/june/hiking-mental-health-063015.html

2 Minute Walk May Reverse Harms of Sitting
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/05/13/a-2-minute-walk-may-counter-the-harms-of-sitting/

Benefits Of Ecotherapy: Being In Nature Fights Depression, Improves Mental Health And Well-Being
http://www.medicaldaily.com/benefits-ecotherapy-being-nature-fights-depression-improves-mental-health-and-well-being-261075

Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation
http://www.pnas.org/content/112/28/8567.abstract

Creativity in the Wild: Improving Creative Reasoning through Immersion in Natural Settings
http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0051474

 

Offline Sources

Hartig, T., Mang, M., and Evans, G. (1991). Restorative effects of natural environment experiences. Environment and behavior , 23 (1), 3-26.

Kaplan, R. and Kaplan, S. (1989). The Experience of nature . Cambridge Press.

Kaplan. S. and Talbot, J. (1983). Psychological benefits of a wilderness experience. In Altman, I. and Wohlwill, (Eds.), Behavior and the natural environment . New York: Plenum Press.

Turner, V. (1969). The ritual process . Chicago: Aldine.

Ulrich, R. S. et al. (1991). Stress recovery during exposure to natural and urban environments. Journal of environmental psychology , 11 (3), 201-230.

 

 

Do you know of a good study not cited here? Please send it my way.  I’m collecting good empirical support to make time in nature an “Evidence Based Practice.”

 

 

New Therapy Group for Teens

 

 

 

Join us for a new first of its kind hybrid group therapy and wilderness therapy group for teenagers locally on the Front Range based out of Fort Collins, CO.  This outdoor group was created to offer the best of coaching, therapy, and wilderness adventures to adolescents without the cost and time commitment of traditional backcountry programs.

This group is open to all teens of all genders regardless of “issue” who are simply looking for personal growth by getting outside and joining in a community of peers, connecting with themselves, others, and nature. Through exploring themselves, overcoming challenges, developing new skills,  and being guided by expert facilitators our participants learn to bring the best of the lessons and experiences of the outside…. in.

For more details, click here and or contact Chuck directly at [email protected] or 970.556.4095.

Download a pdf version of the flyer to print, email, and share with someone who could benefit.

Outside--in flyer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s OK to be Angry

Most of us have a conflicted and misinformed relationship with anger.  On one hand, some people think it anger is bad and do everything

Angry Face

Photo By: Lara Schneider

possible to stay well away from it to never risk feeling that way and when it does slip out, they feel guilty for being angry.  Or for other people it is the go-to emotion.  Anger is the only reaction that is possible and it gets overused with the wrong people at the wrong times.  Obviously, as with most extremes, neither reaction to anger is healthy.

Anger is a natural and helpful emotion that says, “something is happening I am really not okay with” or “something is not happening that I really need.”  Anger is our system’s response that says this is so important, I’m going to do whatever it takes including getting bigger, louder, faster, stronger, and more powerful to make it happen.  Obviously, without this reaction, we can get taken advantage of, resulting in even more hurt.   So it is important to never cut ourselves off from our anger.  But it is also helpful to learn how to be angry in a helpful and productive way to avoid doing damage to those we care about.

Here are a few tips for having productive anger:

1) Slow down.  When we get angry, our nervous system is aroused.  Its the “fight” part of the “fight or flight” response.  But we can and need to consciously control this.  Name for yourself (and others) that you notice yourself getting activated.  Take slow deep breaths.  Take a time out.  Go for a walk or run outside.  Avoid acting from our anger.

2) Identify what is happening that is really not OK or what you really need that is not happening in the situation.  See if there is another emotion under the anger. Write down these needs and/or feelings for yourself or share it with a trusted friend.  Eventually, in a calm state, you will want to share this with the source of your anger.

3) Take responsibility.  Do not blame the other person.  Acknowledge the specific actions that led to your anger and own your reactions and emotions.

4) Make a request for things to be different.  Now knowing what you need, you can now find a way to creatively, rationally, and collaboratively get closer to what you are hoping will happen.

Practicing these things help bring us in closer relationship with ourselves and others.  Always acting from anger or avoiding it ultimately cuts us off and distances us from ourselves and others leading to resentment or hurt feelings.  Of course, it’s not easy, but it’s a worthwhile practice.  Good luck!  Let me know how it goes.

~chuck

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let’s continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email [email protected].  Want to meet?  Here’s how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

Want more?  Check out The Right Way to Get Angry by the Greater Good Science Center at University of California Berkeley.  With bonus video on how to stay calm during a fight in your relationships.

 

True Fear vs Worry

Ever since having a rattlesnake swim toward me and my kids a couple of weeks ago, every stick looks like a snake.  Every stick causes a slight pause, a re-evaluation, and worry about getting bit.  But this morning I got to see how unhelpful this really is.

This morning I was running on a familiar trail, after many false snake sightings my brain started to grow tired of it. Then I heard it, the loudest most intense rattle I’ve ever heard. And it’s close.  My body freezes, my eyes search for the sound, my feet shufflerattlesnake to a stop like the Road Runner cartoon character on the edge of a cliff.  A rattlesnake tumbles off the rock next to me dead center on the trail in front of me.  Only 6” from my feet, my body hovered over it still being pulled by my forward momentum.

I hear myself utter a fearful sound I’ve never heard myself make before.  My breathing stops.  All of my attention and focus goes to regaining my balance. I’m feeling real fear, much stronger than all the pointless worry of a few minutes ago. True fear totally consumes my body, giving me an alertness and activation that helps me with this threat.  Yet there is enough focus and stillness inside, to watch what is happening and notice I have not been bit.  The snake too was startled and all of its energy was going into curling up in it’s defensive position, which gave me time to back away.

We both stand our ground and stare at each other.  My heart pounding, I breathe deep and regain my composure. It too is still, not rattling, just watching me.  We both hold our places, no longer in the grips of fear. After a few minutes of watching each other and soaking in what just happened, I thank it for the experience and find an alternate route to continue on my journey.

Curiously, I notice that the rest of my run I’m actually not going on alert with every stick like before the meeting.  The real encounter with an actual danger seems to have increased my ability to discern the real threat from the perceived threat.

My brain thought it was keeping me safe by raising my fear any time it saw a stick, but in fact it wasn’t real fear, and it was only distracting me from what was real.  Having a snake 6” away from my foot triggered the real thing.  And it reminded me that most things that can really hurt us can’t be predicted anyway, we just have to trust ourselves, trust our body, trust our experience, and trust our support to do what needs to be done when action is needed.

As tends to happen on my outings in nature, I realize there are so many ways this experience speaks to the challenges and ways I’m needing to grow right now.  There are so many false fears in my mind about life, social situations, business decisions, my career, relationships, and more.  And I see how they are all distractions.  And the level of fear my worries present me with is so low, compared to a real danger.  But I often perceive them as real, I don’t like feeling them, and I let them limit me.

Well, I used to. Knowing how the brain works, I know this experience created some new pathways in my brain.  Just thinking about these things isn’t enough to change, but this helpful rattlesnake gave me a valuable experience.  It will now be that much easier to see worry for what it is now that my perception has been changed.  And I get to be grateful for yes, even a rattlesnake.

I hope you get out in the world and have your own lessons and life changing experiences.  They happen anywhere, when you are open to your experience, whatever it may be.  Just try not to play with rattlesnakes if you don’t have to. Hopefully you can learn your lessons easier.  🙂

~chuck

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let’s continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email[email protected].  Want to meet?  Here’s how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

 

Image Used under Creative Commons by David O on Flickr

 

1 2