Ego and Soul Image

Ego Psychology vs Soul Psychology 

Ever since childhood, I’ve been interested in the depths.  Growing up in my family, church, and public schools, I always had a sense that there was more to what was happening than could be observed directly or stated explicitly.  As a child, however, I didn’t have the language to describe it, and worse, I thought I could not trust my own perception.  It has taken many years of study, my own personal psychotherapy, and work with many other people, different than me, to understand.  Because sometimes we don’t perceive things accurately, and sometimes we do. It does take work and discernment to sort out when our perceptions are accurate and when they are not.  Or you can skip that work and just believe what you are told, but as George Orwell stated in 1984: “The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.”  Regardless, it is important to recognize that what we perceive with our senses and what we perceive that is not perceived by our senses are two distinct realms.  

 

In addition to studies in Western psychology and popular evidence-based practices, I’ve studied Eastern traditions like Buddhism and spent 15 years engaged with Lakota rituals, which has helped me recognize that most Western psychology and interventions are ego-based and work primarily with what can be sensed in the material world, whereas indigenous and Eastern traditions cater to the ego much less, recognizing that there is something beyond the ego and that the ego’s wishes should not be what drives our life.   Interestingly, the etymology of the word psychology is the “study of the soul.”  But as happens, we forget, and the zeitgeist (spirit of the age) clouds our vision; thus, in the last century, ego-based psychology has dominated, which is more fitting and appealing to our ego-based culture.  

 

Ego and Soul ImageThis article examines the differences between ego-based and soul-based psychological work and why both are necessary at different times.  We should not conflate the two.

 

In our Western culture, ego-based psychology is most dominant and most needed because our systems don’t foster healthy ego development.  Many people have under-developed fragile egos or overdeveloped, domineering egos.  We can’t move beyond our ego effectively until we recognize and understand it, and develop sufficient healthy ego strength to set it aside from time to time.  

 

Soul-based psychology is about initiation. As I wrote about in my article on Jungian Analysis, soul-based psychotherapy starts with developing more healthy ego-functioning, because without a healthy functioning ego, we can’t navigate the world of showing up to work on time, having healthy interpersonal relationships, learning new skills and ideas, etc…. Prior to my Jungian studies, I had several teachers in Lakota rituals, chiefly the vision quest, which, on some levels, is about ego-death to recognize your place in the world with your soul’s unique gifts, and returning to your community to offer them.  Yet as one of my teachers said, the best preparation for a vision quest is to clean up your life.  Clean your house and car, make amends with people you have harmed, ensure all your affairs are in order, get rid of things you don’t need, and tell people you care about what they mean to you.   The ego work and personal work come first.   It’s not about the ego getting what it wants.  Both the soul and the ego are transformed by the process.  

 

Not everyone can or should engage in difficult ordeals such as the vision quest, but life provides ample opportunities for trials and ordeals.  It’s up to us to recognize them and relate to them in that way, rather than view it in a one-dimensional way that tries to get through it or out of it as quickly as possible without learning anything or being changed by it.  

High-level distinction between ego and soul-based therapy

Ego-based therapy

  • Oriented toward adaptation, functioning, regulation, and coherence
  • Assumes the ego should become stronger, clearer, and have more agency
  • Primary question: “How do we reduce symptoms and improve functioning?”

Soul-based therapy 

  • Oriented toward meaning, image, destiny, and transformation
  • Assumes suffering may be necessary, purposive, and initiatory
  • Primary question: “What is trying to be lived, experienced, or known through this?”

Or even more simply: 

  • Ego-based therapy asks: “How do we fix this?”
  • Soul-based therapy asks: “Why has this arrived now, and what does it want?”

 

It’s helpful to simplify and condense what I’m discussing to facilitate comprehension, but in practice, those questions remain too simplistic.  To fully understand, we would need to ask additional questions, such as: What do we actually envision or mean by “fixing it”?  For what purpose or intended outcome?  And why is that important to us?  And what might I gain or learn from this experience?  Even further, what thoughts, feelings, or actions am I unable or unwilling to experience that would be appropriate for the situation?  Ego-based therapy seeks to solve and move on, but to what end?  Often in our culture, it is about ending or avoiding pain or gaining something materially.  Soul-based therapy seeks to deepen understanding of life and to navigate it more richly at an intangible level.  

 

When it becomes excessive and problematic, ego-based therapy is invested in helping the ego get what it wants and feel better at all costs. The ego wants comfort, predictability,  sameness, and pleasure.  There is nothing wrong with any of those things, but when they become the primary goal, the process can be superficial and short-lasting, prompting further seeking for the next thing to try to feel better.  It’s why some people jump from one healing modality to another, trying to find the thing that will help their ego get what it wants.  At its worst, ego-based therapy breeds narcissism, enabling an already domineering ego to believe everyone around them is responsible for giving them what they want, making them feel better, and meeting their needs.

 

Soul-based work helps the whole person experience some degree of health, comfort, pleasure, and improved well-being, regardless of external circumstances.  Soul-based work doesn’t depend on a spa-like experience to feel good, where ego-based work does.  The ego wants what it wants, and it wants it now.  The soul is patient and willing to allow the ego to suffer a bit so that it can learn deeper lessons.  Don’t misunderstand, it’s not about a pervasive masochistic suffering, that is still ego-based.  And it is not about not trying to improve life for yourself and others.  It is holding a broader perspective and working steadily toward your purpose or calling, regardless of ego gratification or outcome.  

 

Because our ego is our seat of consciousness, it requires care and tending.  Too much harshness can cause wounding and disconnection from the soul and the world. But if we cater only to the ego’s needs, we’re trapped, as the ego prioritizes survival above all else. The ego’s self-preservation view wants to deny the reality of death, hardship, and ordeals that we all must also face as we live life in our bodies. 

 

In a moment, I’ll give a few examples of how an ego-based psychology and a soul-based psychology differ in their approach to specific situations.  But first, I want to remind you that we must have some level of ego health to engage in a soul-based paradigm.  Different ego psychologies have different definitions of what healthy ego functioning looks like, but to give you an idea, here are a few benchmarks.  

 

  • Some level of ability to be aware of, articulate, and differentiate between thoughts, feelings, intuitions, and actions.  Being able to accurately assess, feel, plan, and act.   Can have feelings, including strong feelings, without being overwhelmed by them, acting them out, or shutting down.
  • A healthy recognition of rules, social norms, and the consequences of not following them.  In some cases, the ability to deviate from them when necessary to align with ethics or morality, and a recognition of the consequences.  In other words, a healthy relationship with inner and outer authority. 
  • Ability to be appropriately assertive, not passive and withdrawn or overly aggressive.  Recognizing the proper time and place for yielding or asserting.   
  • Flexibility with serving in different roles in life.  Being firm in a role when necessary and flexible when appropriate.  In other words, taking appropriate action when necessary and refraining from action when prudent.
  • Recognition and appreciation of different forms of beauty, love, and eros.  Ability to create and engage with beauty in whatever forms call to you.
  • Being able to differentiate between inner fantasy and outer reality, and recognize the pros and cons of both.
  • Can tolerate some level of paradox and ambiguity.  
  • Has a capacity for various forms of relatedness.  For example: can sustain emotional closeness without losing oneself, can tolerate separation, difference, and disappointment, others are experienced as whole people, not objects or functions
  • Ability to reflect on the reasons for thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to understand why you have them, and why other people have different ones.  Can reflect on motivations, defenses, and relational patterns.  Curious rather than defensive about inner life.
  • Recognizing and appreciating different changes and cycles in life, such as life stages and roles. 

 

Again, these are ego-based abilities.  As we examine the specific examples below, you will see how ego-based interventions help develop these essential attributes.  Soul-based interventions help to see the broader picture beyond the immediate crisis.  And soul-based work is more about being with what is, whatever it is, relating to it, and learning from it rather than doing something about it and being overly invested in the outcome. We need both modes; we can’t neglect either.

 

We need attention to and care for both our ego and our soul to develop health and wholeness!

  • Soul-based work without sufficient ego strength leads to destabilization
  • Ego-based work without soul = emptiness, repetition, and spiritual deadness

Example: Panic attacks

Ego-based approach

Clinical stance

  • Panic is a maladaptive physiological/cognitive loop
  • Goal: symptom reduction and self-regulation

Interventions

  • Psychoeducation about the nervous system
  • Breathing and grounding techniques
  • Cognitive restructuring of catastrophic thoughts
  • Exposure to feared sensations

Therapeutic Language

“Your body is misinterpreting threat. Let’s help you regain control and reduce the panic.”

Success looks like

  • Fewer panic attacks
  • Increased sense of mastery
  • Return to normal functioning

Soul-based approach

Clinical stance

  • Panic is a breakthrough of the unconscious
  • Ego control is already failing for a reason

Interventions

  • Amplification of images and fantasies during panic
  • Tracking symbolic content (death, collapse, annihilation, rebirth)
    Relational holding rather than regulation
  • Exploration of life situations where the soul feels trapped or unlived

Therapist language

“Something in you is insisting on being felt. What happens if we don’t push it away?”

Success looks like

  • A shift in life orientation or values
  • Panic becomes meaningful, even if not eliminated
    Greater tolerance for ambiguity and depth

Example: Depression after a breakup

Ego-based approach

Clinical stance

  • Depression = loss + distorted thinking + withdrawal
    Goal: restore functioning and mood

Interventions

  • Challenging self-blame and hopeless beliefs
  • Social reconnection
  • Goal setting
  • Psychoeducation on relationships and communication

Therapist language

“Let’s help you get unstuck and rebuild your life.”

Success looks like

  • Improved mood
  • Re-engagement with work and relationships
  • Reduced rumination

Soul-based approach

Clinical stance

  • Depression = descent, mourning the loss of an identity or soul-image
  • Pathology may be the refusal to descend, not the descent itself

Interventions

  • Staying with emptiness, loss, grief, and deadness
  • Working with dreams 
  • Exploring who died in the relationship (not just who left)
  • Avoiding premature “rebuilding”
  • Establishing deeper relationship with oneself

Therapist language

“Depression may be asking you to stop becoming who you were.”

Success looks like

  • A deeper, humbler self-structure
  • New values emerging slowly
    Grief metabolized rather than bypassed

Example: Relationship conflict

Ego-based approach

Clinical stance

  • Conflict = poor communication or unmet needs

Interventions

  • Assertiveness training
  • Boundary setting
  • Needs and feelings identification
  • Effective communication and conflict-resolution skills
  • Psychoeducation on attachment styles (if an intimate relationship)

Therapist language

“What do you need, and how can you ask for it clearly?”

Success looks like

  • Fewer fights
  • Better negotiation
  • Clearer boundaries

Soul-based approach

Clinical stance

  • Conflict = archetypal pattern playing itself out
  • Partners are constellating complexes, archetypes, and gods in each other

Interventions

  • Recognizing projections and shadow material
  • Working with repetitive relational myths
  • Identifying other places in life these patterns appear – ie: family of origin
  • Group work (to recognize how these patterns show up with others – it’s not just about the specific person)

Therapist language

“Who is being met in the other—and who is being avoided in yourself?”

Success looks like

  • Increased symbolic awareness
  • Less blaming
  • Capacity to hold paradox in intimacy

In Soul-Based Work: 

  • Symptoms are symbolic communications
  • They may be necessary, purposive, or initiatory
  • Eliminating symptoms too quickly can abort the transformation – the ego wants to be done and move on.  In soul-based work, symptoms resolve on their own and recur less frequently as lessons are learned and a new relationship to life is developed, leading to long-lasting change. 

“The symptom is not the problem; the ego’s misunderstanding of it is.”

We need both ego-based work and soul-based work because traversing these challenges consciously teaches us lessons that evolve both our ego and our soul.  We miss that if our only goal is to survive and to end suffering as quickly as possible.   

Furthermore, we must function effectively in society.  Even in the archetypal hero’s journey, a pattern commonly observed in vision quests and soul-based initiations, there is a return to community.  We can’t return to the community and demand everyone sees the world as we see it and behaves how we want them to behave.  That’s narcissism.  And yet, if we do only ego-based work and learn only to be part of society, we miss the bigger picture and may be adjusting to unhealthy patterns in society.  

As Indian philosopher Krishnamurti famously said, It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” It seems he did not actually say that, but it is an accurate paraphrase.  What he actually said was, 

Is society healthy, that an individual should return to it? Has not society itself helped to make the individual unhealthy? Of course, the unhealthy must be made healthy, that goes without saying; but why should the individual adjust himself to an unhealthy society? If he is healthy, he will not be a part of it. Without first questioning the health of society, what is the good of helping misfits to conform to society?

Aldous Huxley, a close friend of Krishnamurti’s, also wrote a passage that is similar, contained in his book Brave New World Revisited (1958):

The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does. They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society. Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted.  Source 

If you have seen the musical Hadestown, Huxley’s description of well-adjusted people who don’t struggle or suffer aligns well with the depiction of the workers who slave away to Hades in Hadestown.  In Hadestown, they have no name, no voice, and they don’t listen.  I’ll write a more thorough exploration of the symbolism in Hadestown in the future.  For now, I’ll just say this is a great illustration of ego psychology vs soul psychology.  The ego may be perfectly content as part of the collective and even unaware that it is suffering. Or it might simply continue working or staying active to avoid whatever awareness of suffering it does have.  But as the ego develops the capacity to listen and relate to others and to itself, especially in its own unique thoughts and feelings, and even more importantly to dreams and other ways the soul communicates, there is the possibility of freedom from enslavement in Hadestown.  

In summary, to truly heal or transform, the path goes much deeper than learning a few new tools or ideas.  It even goes much deeper than a weekend or weeklong retreat or a major rite of passage such as a vision quest.  Yet all of those are important.  It helps to be able to differentiate between what is of our ego and what is of our soul, or of some higher purpose.  We can’t ignore ego-based work, as individuation involves relating to others and engaging with the world.  But we can’t stop there either, as we may be getting caught in the collective culture of our times.  In fact, that is exactly what has happened with what most people think of when they think of psychology and the psychotherapy practiced from a modern Western perspective.  Collective culture engulfs individuals, causing them to lose themselves if not carefully navigated.  Yet purely rebelling against collective culture is a simplistic adolescent stance that creates more outcasts.  To find health and satisfaction in life for ourselves and our people, we must navigate the fine line between ego-based and soul-based work, while remaining engaged and returning to the world to help create greater health for others and future generations.   

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed., LPC, LMHC, is a licensed psychotherapist and Analytic Psychology Training Candidate practicing in Colorado and New York, guiding individuals, couples, and groups into greater wholeness.

What even is Jungian Analysis? – And Why We Need a Better Name For It

There are No Shortcuts Here: Forget TikTok attention spans and bullet points. This process takes time, and you can’t rush it. Your conscious “ego” isn’t the boss.

This will be a long article. It will be long because it is a broad framework, and much can be said about Jungian Analysis, Jungian-oriented psychoanalysis, or Analytic Psychology, as it is most often called, or Archetypal Psychology, as James Hillman developed from his Jungian training. However, I hope this will not be overly rambling, as is common in Jung’s writings. In the modern age, when attention must be captured in short TikTok bursts or in bulleted lists, I will do exactly as Jungian work does. I will go against the grain and take as much time as it takes to develop, share, and reveal as much as I can about the process with words. The ego is not in charge here. It cannot be shortened or simplified by ideas alone, as understanding Jungian work from a cognitive dimension is at best only 1/4 of the picture. It is counter-cultural and non-consumerist, in that there is no linear set of steps to follow, no specific set of diagnoses it treats (though there are certainly contraindications), no guaranteed outcome, and it can’t be reduced to a bullet-point list or described in a social media post.

It Evolves as We Evolve: Unlike some other theories, this approach recognizes that people and ideas evolve over lifetimes (even Jung contradicted himself repeatedly — this is a sign of growth, not a weakness of the theory).

I reserve the right to change my mind and describe it completely differently in the future. This is being written in December 2025, after about five years of study in Jungian Psychology and about eight years of my own analysis. This may sound like a lot of time, but I’ll be the first to admit I’m not fully cooked yet, and I’m still learning, growing, and being shaped by my studies and analytic process. Many people don’t take this much time, but everyone’s timeline is different. One of the reasons I’ve chosen to study this approach is that it recognizes that we grow, change, and learn over time. Every day, there is more to learn from life and from our unconscious, which for many presents itself nightly through dreams. But dreams are by no means the only way the unconscious presents itself to us. When you study Jung, you find many contradictions and conflicts as he refined his ideas and continued his own individuation. I believe we should all continue to grow and approach life differently as we mature. Most other theories in practice today don’t account for differences across the lifespan and try to apply the same theory and method to all people at all stages of life. This is short-sighted and disrespectful to the soul.

That said, there is an end goal, and this is the modern age. I’ll do my best to summarize and provide bold bullet-point headings so you can decide whether it is worth your time to go further. I’ll honor both the spirit of the depths and the spirit of the times in this way.

TL;DR: The Main Goal: It’s a custom-tailored, in-depth “initiation” that helps you relate your conscious self (ego) with your personal unconscious and the collective unconscious. The aim is to build a solid inner core, minimize “projecting” your stuff onto others, and recognize your unique role in the world. The core idea of Jungian Psychology is that people are in a constant process to try to be who they are, and when that process gets thwarted, as it does by countless obstacles, people become various flavors of neurotic and miserable.

There is no single good name for it because it is a diverse, in-depth process tailored to each client and therapist at each phase of life, and when it is most effective, it is born anew in each moment of each session. It aims to help each unique person develop a healthy relationship between their conscious ego and the unconscious, to develop a solid internal structure, which helps them project less onto others, be more effective in building healthy relationships, bring their unique gifts and contributions to the world, and recognize their place in the world. I’ve come to see it as a relational process of initiation into the depths of the self and the other (where the other includes other people, the world, the unknown, the unconscious, the not-understandable, the mysterious, etc. ). It is an initiation into the rich depths of both the inner and outer worlds, recognizing archetypal patterns and forces that possess us while recovering wholeness and humanness through individuation across the lifespan.

The primary aim of Analytical Psychology is to facilitate a durable and functional relationship between the conscious ego and the unconscious. As a diverse, custom-tailored process, its effectiveness lies in its capacity to continually renew itself within the unique relational field of the client-analyst relationship. This in-depth work fosters a robust internal structure, which reduces projection, enhances relational capacity, and facilitates the realization of the individual’s unique purpose. Fundamentally, it is an archetypal process of initiation into both the inner and outer worlds-a confrontation with the unknown that restores wholeness through the life-long journey of individuation.

If you want to unpack it all a bit further, let’s carry on:

It’s About Finding Your Own Language: Good analysis helps you learn the unique “symbolic language of your own soul,” rather than forcing you to speak the system’s jargon. Beware of therapists who think they have the answers for you or force you to learn their language!

If you ask other Jungian Analysts, you’ll get many different answers because the process recognizes the uniqueness and subjectivity of each person. When done well, it helps the client learn the unique symbolic language of their own psyche and soul.

Jungian thought has been integrated into many other psychological theories and pop-psychology without attribution (or with criticism). (I’ll refrain from a detailed discussion on how Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a scripted approach working with complexes — maybe in another article.) You may encounter vocabulary commonly used in Jungian thought, such as shadow, complex, persona, anima/animus, ego, psychological types, introversion, extroversion, alchemy, archetypes, projection, personal unconscious, collective unconscious, individuation, etc. In some ways, understanding the structure of the psyche through this vocabulary can be helpful. Still, it can also be a trap, as, without a relational guide to help us see what we can’t see in ourselves, this knowledge can keep us locked into an intellectual understanding alone, which keeps distant the development of the relationship between the ego and soul and the multitude of parts or complexes we contain. To me, any good therapeutic process does not require you to learn the language of its system to participate, but rather to find your own language to describe and understand your unique experience, and to work with and relate to it more effectively. It’s not about drinking anyone’s “Kool-Aid.” However, plenty of misguided therapists, including Jungians, may try to get you to do so, believing they have the answer for you.

It’s “Care for the Soul”: Jungian psychology gets back to the root meaning of “psychology” — the study of the soul — but it’s not tied to any specific religion.

While the movement in academia and business over the last century has been to specialize and silo schools of thought, Jung approached psychology from the perspective that everything that humans have developed has come through the psyche; therefore, psyche and psychology are integrated into everything and found everywhere, and everything has been shaped by psychology. Rather than claiming a single school of thought as the one right way, this system works to integrate diverse systems, just as the diverse ecosystems that make up our planet do. Furthermore, Jung’s psychology stays close to the etymology of the word , which means “study of the soul,” or in other words, Jungian therapy can be seen as care for the soul.” But not from any religious or spiritual tradition, but a care for the soul that recognizes that each person has their own unique path that their soul is on, that may or may not involve a particular spiritual orientation.

James Hillman in Re-Visioning Psychology writes:

“ Soul is rediscovered, and with it comes a rediscovery of human-kind, nature, and world. One begins to see all things psychologically, from the viewpoint of the soul, and the world seems to carry an inner light. The soul’s freedom to imagine takes on preeminence as all previous divisions of life and areas of thought lose their stark categorical structures. Politics, money, religion, personal tastes and relationships, are no longer divided from each other into compartments but have become areas of psychological reflection; psyche is everywhere “ (Re-Visioning Psychology, p. 196).

Why the Name “Jungian” is a Problem: Jung didn’t want a “school” or followers because he didn’t want the work to become dogmatic or rigid. The name risks drawing attention to Jung himself rather than the actual process.

Since the model is based on reclaiming and integrating diverse ways of being, and because every person’s journey is unique and requires different methods and approaches, it is difficult to name. That is probably why people call it Jungian Psychology after the founder. However, this is problematic because Jung did not want a school and didn’t want Jungians to follow him. Yet he eventually agreed to establish a school because he recognized the need for in-depth training to undertake such work. Furthermore, Jung, in the transparency of his own process, made numerous mistakes, which people like to latch onto and discredit everything he wrote. The danger of calling it Jungian is exactly what Jung tried to avoid with his system: he didn’t want it to become dogmatic or codified in any way, which can happen when people focus more on the originator and/or his words than on the process he was describing. A finger pointing to the moon is not the moon, as they say. And the process of sorting what is useful from what is not helpful in our own lives and in what we read is something we all must do.

As we each travel our own unique paths, we can better understand ourselves and one another by examining diverse ways of seeing the world. We all see it differently. This was analyzed using the theory of psychological types. That is, we all have different strengths and weaknesses in thinking, feeling, sensing, and intuition, and the combination of these creates different ways of seeing and interacting with the world. They are not static and fixed; they are fluid and dynamic, and, in fact, we deepen our understanding of ourselves and each other by developing the areas in which we are weaker. In reality, Jung himself recognized that the system was incomplete, but it served as a starting point for understanding how different modes of perception shape consciousness. Modern conversations about consciousness often exhibit a one-sided bias toward either Eastern spirituality or Western science. Still, consciousness is not a monolithic phenomenon over which any discipline, school, or tradition can claim ultimate authority.

The “Blind Men and the Elephant” Parable: This image vividly illustrates how different schools of psychology (and people in general) grasp one piece of the truth and mistake it for the whole. Jungian psychology tries to honor all those perspectives.

Because this approach encompasses the diversity of human experience and the unconscious, which, by definition, can never be fully known, the parable of the blind men and the elephant is a powerful image for illustrating what is happening in both Jungian psychology, the field of psychology as a whole, and in each of us as we try to relate to our psyche and unconscious. The story concerns a group of blind men who have never encountered an elephant and learn its nature by touching it. Each blind man feels only a different part of the animal’s body, such as the side or the tusk. They then describe the animal based on their limited experience, and their descriptions of the elephant differ. In some versions, they suspect the other person is dishonest and come to blows. The moral of the parable is that humans tend to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience while ignoring others’ equally valid subjective experiences.

It is easy to see how each branch of psychology and psychotherapy, such as cognitive, somatic, emotionally focused, trauma-informed, relational, developmental, behavioral, social, psychodynamic, personality, etc, has focused itself. We can easily become grandiose when we study only one system, believing we have the right way to understand people and the proper therapeutic methods. Just like each branch of science or religion can do the same. However, as the parable illustrates, they are all just different methods of describing the same thing from a limited perspective. When we become attached to a single right way and try to defend it, it can become violent and ruin relationships, creating further division. Jungian Psychology attempts to educate the practitioner from the perspective that all ways of seeing are valid, and that it is up to the therapist to understand their own ways of seeing and being, and how they compare and relate to the other, while guiding the client to find their own, without dogmatically telling the client what to do. As you can imagine, it takes a lot of work and education to appreciate and see things from many different perspectives.

It Avoids Being Too Bossy: It requires maturity on the part of both the client and the therapist to avoid the “authoritative trap” of wanting someone to give the “right way.” It teaches you to orient yourself.

We all want someone to tell us the right way sometimes, especially when we are at our lowest or most lost. But taking the time to learn to orient ourselves to ourselves and the world around us helps us avoid getting lost and teaches us how to navigate unfamiliar terrain in the future. It Works (Eventually). When we learn what works for us and how other things work for other people, it is much easier to navigate the world and the people around us. That is why there is evidence to suggest depth-oriented approaches and Jungian Psychotherapy in particular is effective in creating long-lasting change . Recognizing we each have things that work better for us, and everyone is different, is a much-needed perspective in our modern, divisive world, which brings more peaceful interpersonal relationships.

So Many Names, Still No Perfect One. Despite being involved in many different forms of Jungian study over the years, I’ve never heard a term to describe it that I really liked. In my quest for a better name for Jungian Analysis, I asked ChatGPT for suggestions, thinking maybe I just haven’t been exposed to the best term yet, but hopefully, in its infinite scouring of the internet, maybe it found a better term. It gave me many suggestions, all accurate in their own ways, and at the same time emphasising one blind man’s perspective — that is, describing one aspect of it at the expense of others. Here are some additional names that convey its various facets.

  • Relational Depth Work
  • Relational Jungian Therapy
  • Depth-Oriented Relational Therapy
  • Experiential Depth Psychotherapy
  • Intrapersonal & Interpersonal Depth Work
  • Relational Soul Work
  • Soul-Oriented Psychotherapy
  • Archetypal Soul Work
  • Symbolic Process Work
  • Inner Life Work
  • Psychospiritual Depth Work
  • Work with the Living Psyche
  • Soul-Centered Therapy
  • Archetypal Depth Work
  • Therapy for the Inner Journey
  • Shadow & Soul Work
  • Depth Psychology Counseling
  • Inner Work Psychotherapy
  • Unconscious Process Work
  • Dream-Oriented Psychotherapy
  • Symbolic Depth Work
  • Integrative Depth Therapy
  • Mythopoetic Psychotherapy
  • Imaginal Psychotherapy
  • Deep Inner Work Therapy
  • Transformational Therapy
  • Therapy for Personal Meaning
  • Therapy for Self-Discovery
  • Insight-Oriented Therapy
  • Mind–Body–Soul Therapy
  • Therapy for the Deep Self
  • Inner Exploration Therapy
  • Whole-Person Depth Therapy

As you can see, many names describe one facet, but no one name can describe it all!

Avoid One-Sided Thinking: The system’s value is in recognizing and avoiding “one-sidedness,” making room for the complexity of reality. This applies to Jung’s theories, the author’s thoughts, and other psychological theories (e.g., CBT, IFS).

For me, one of the most valuable parts of the theory and process is the recognition and avoidance of one-sidedness. Many of the terms fall into this trap. But that doesn’t mean we should avoid words or terminology altogether; we need them to describe and differentiate. And then it is up to us not to let them lock us into a rigid, one-sided, rational way of thinking about things. That includes all of Jung’s theories as well! Neither Jung nor his students have the correct answers, but they point to important things to examine and relate to. So bring all the criticism of Jung and my thoughts on the process! It’s needed! And apply it to all of the other theories as well! CBT, IFS, somatic, trauma-focused, etc…. They are all helpful to a particular person at one specific moment. And let’s see if we can gently pry things open a bit more to get some more space to breathe and maneuver before we get so one-sided and fixed into one way of being in the world. That includes being “Jungian!” I consider this a key essential skill in our increasingly polarized world.

At its core, the process is one of seeing through to the core. That is where the word analysis comes in. Many people have negative associations with the word analysis. Still, the process is one of taking apart, analyzing carefully, seeing what is happening behind the scenes, so that one can be put back together more completely and function more smoothly without being derailed by habitual thoughts, feelings, or patterns. The negative views of analysis are worth unpacking in themselves. The world’s complexity and diversity, and his continued development and evolution throughout his life, account for the extensive rambling and diversity of thought in Jungian writing. However, it is aimed at seeing through, in whatever dimension the client is coming from or needs to work with, what is occurring in life at that time. Most importantly, it helps people derive meaning from and learn from their suffering, thereby growing, developing, and gaining greater mastery over their lives.

“We don’t so much solve our problems as we outgrow them. We add capacities and experiences that eventually make us bigger than the problems.” — C.G. Jung

Relational Aspects are Key: The work on alchemy shows that Jung’s ideas were very relational. The goal is to see past the personal drama to the deeper, “archetypal core” of your relationships.

In The Mystery of Human Relationship, Jungian Analyst Nathan Schwartz-Salant writes:

“In a sense, the alchemical way is one in which the analyst sees with the larger vision of the self; the scientific way is one in which he or she sees through the vision of the ego. The alchemical way sees through the eyes, whereas the scientific way sees with the eyes. Whereas the scientific way cannot encompass both opposites at the same time, the alchemical way can encompass both opposites simultaneously by situating them in a middle realm, the subtle body or the interactive field, the very existence of which scientific thinking denies” (p. 98–99).

Because of the collective cultural biases of our time and the introverted nature of many people who are drawn to Jung, the relational aspects of Jung are sometimes overlooked. Science is very important to much of our world, but it is one of many ways of seeing, all of which are important. Jung’s writings on alchemy and the Rosarium Philosophorum are foundational and closely aligned with the relational schools of psychoanalysis that emerged later in the century. But again, the key is that in a Jungian Analysis, we don’t get caught in the personal, but see through to the archetypal core of the dynamics at play in relationships with the analyst, intimate partners, family, and friends. It’s not about the ego’s desires, feelings, or unmet needs. Yet, being able to see and understand them, and their sources, can help reduce the extent to which they compel us and drive our lives.

It’s All About Individuation: This is the process of developing a relationship between your ego and your Self/soul to become your most whole self. It’s about letting the ego be a healthy part of you — no more, no less.

Lastly, as I’ve explored in other writings, Jungian Analysis is about aiding someone’s process of individuation. Individuation is a process of developing a relationship between the ego and the Self/soul, and all of the multitude of different parts of ourselves, which allows us to become as much of our full, whole self as possible in this lifetime. Not trying to destroy the ego or transcend the ego, just letting it be what it is. No more, no less. This is relativizing the ego.

Don’t Become a Jerk: Individuation means being able to enjoy and relate well to people who are different from you, rather than becoming a self-absorbed, judgmental hermit or dominating others with your beliefs.

We need a healthy ego and relationships with others as we individuate, because if we become a misanthrope who distances from or judges others, we’re only continuing to project our shadow. A good Jungian analysis helps us to appreciate people who are different from us more, rather than creating more distance. It is a process of recognizing and detaching from being controlled by the influence of the other — of our upbringing, of the other person, and of the culture, collective beliefs, and the collective unconscious, while remaining in relationship to the world. If we attend only to ourselves and do not relate well to or care for others, especially those who differ from us, we become more narcissistic. But we also cannot be infected by others’ beliefs and feelings.

It’s an Experience, Not a Theory: All the words and theories are just maps. The process itself is an experience, an initiation into yourself, the world, and transformation, using the symbols that arise in your own life.

In closing, I’ll leave you with a poem and a link to learn more about Analytical Psychology directly from the IAAP — the international accrediting body for this work . At its core, Jungian Analysis is about working relationally, in a fully embodied way, with yourself and others, through thought, feeling, sensation, and intuition, and through an image or symbol of transformation, for transformation in your own life.

You Have What You Need: The answers are already within you; you just need to look, listen, speak, and live.

No matter how we describe the process, it is NOT being led by the client’s, therapist’s, or someone else’s ego, or by anyone’s conceptualization of how to live one’s life. While reading more about Jung’s theories can dangerously lead to following someone else’s path or to intellectualizing the process, it can be helpful to understand the map. However, we cannot mistake the map for the terrain. There is nothing inherently bad about maps or intellectualizing; we don’t want to diminish or prioritize thinking, feeling, sensing, or intuition in our approach to ourselves or the world. We need all of these ways of being. I’ve tried to put some words to it while minimizing jargon. Still, even these words, along with the writings of other Jungian-oriented scholars, are insufficient to describe the process thoroughly. There is no adequate name to describe it. It’s an experience. It’s an initiation. Into yourself. Into the world. Into life. And death. And the natural process transformation. Through the symbols that present themselves to you in your one unique and precious life. You already have everything you need. You don’t need to look outside yourself for answers. They are right there. You just have to look. You just have to listen. And speak. And live.

Chickpea to Cook
Rumi — Translated by Coleman Barks

A chickpea leaps almost over the rim of the pot
where it’s being boiled.

‘Why are you doing this to me?’

The cook knocks him down with the ladle.

‘Don’t you try to jump out.
You think I’m torturing you.
I’m giving you flavor,
so you can mix with spices and rice
and be the lovely vitality of a human being.

Remember when you drank rain in the garden.
That was for this.’

Grace first. Sexual pleasure,
then a boiling new life begins,
and the Friend has something good to eat.

Eventually the chickpea will say to the cook,
‘Boil me some more.
Hit me with the skimming spoon.
I can’t do this by myself.

I’m like an elephant that dreams of gardens
back in Hindustan and doesn’t pay attention
to his driver. You’re my cook, my driver,
my way into existence. I love your cooking.’

The cook says,
‘I was once like you,
fresh from the ground. Then I boiled in time,
and boiled in the body, two fierce boilings.

My animal soul grew powerful.
I controlled it with practices,
and boiled some more, and boiled
once beyond that,
and became your teacher.’

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed., LPC, LMHC, is a licensed psychotherapist and Analytic Psychology Training Candidate practicing in Colorado and New York, guiding individuals, couples, and groups into greater wholeness.

Opening in Men’s Group

If you’ve been wanting to join the Men’s Group, good news! There are two openings for new members in our Men’s Interpersonal Process Group.

This men’s interpersonal process group can help you get more real, more honest with yourself and others propelling you into deeper relationships and deeper success through challenge and support by other men. It is a real-time lab, where you will experience yourself and others with greater awareness and be able to try new behaviors and ways of
relating to being more effective in your life.

All topics and goals are welcome. Common themes are anger, depression, anxiety, personal identity, masculinity, relationships with women and/or other men, assertiveness, sex/sexuality, disconnect from emotions, work problems, fatherhood, confidence/self-esteem, accountability, honesty, spirituality, and finding purpose and meaning in life.

This group has been running weekly for the past 5 years facilitated by Chuck and over a decade prior to that facilitated by a psychologist who retired passing it on to Chuck. The long-running stability, diversity of age, background, and experience of the members, and experience of the facilitator are rare.


The ideal man will have had previous or current experience in therapy or other personal growth, but motivation and desire for greater self awareness will also enable you to benefit if this is your first growth experience.


All men are welcome in this group. You are welcome with all of your struggles, your gifts, your challenges, your gender, your sexuality, your personality, your pain, your shame, your questions, your desires.


All of you are welcome here!
Tuesday Evenings
5:00-6:30

$50 per group. 8 week minimum commitment, but most people will want to continue on long term for the support, authentic relationships, and unique opportunity to grow with a safe, established, circle of men and trained, experienced, professional facilitator.

Facilitated by: Chuck Hancock, M.Ed., LPC. Chuck has over a decade of experience participating in and leading men’s groups, experiential groups, therapy groups, wilderness groups, interpersonal process groups, ritual and rites of passage programs, and teaching college courses. Chuck is highly trained in treating trauma, mindfulness,
somatic therapy, and is a member of Colorado Group Psychotherapy Society and a perpetual student of intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship patterns.

5 Foundational Tools and 200 Coping Skills Everyone Should Have for a Balanced Life

Here are the 5 Foundational Tools and 200+ Coping Skills Everyone Should Have to be able to self-regulate

Our mental and emotional stress ebbs and flows throughout life as our schedules, routines, and work tasks change.  Because of this, I highly recommend that we all do a daily check-in, two or three times per day, even with our current mental, emotional, physical, and stress levels.  The human body can only handle so much, and our mental, emotional, physical, and relational stress all take a significant toll on our nervous system.  

It doesn’t have to take too much time; a simple traffic light works great: 

  • Green – I’m good, great even perhaps!  Keep going (if you want to)!
  • Yellow – I need to be careful, use caution, pay close attention, consider slowing down.
  • Red – Stop right now or harm will come.  

Or if you are more numbers-focused, a 0-10 scale also works great, where 0 represents calm and relaxed, and 9-10 signifies stop right now, I can’t take any more. 

So once you start monitoring your nervous system and recognize that you need to reduce stress, what do you do?  There are 5 foundational tools, all supported by research, that are very effective in reducing stress as well as difficult moods like anxiety and depression.  Having these tools in your back pocket is great when you need to reduce your stress levels or, even better, build them into healthy life routines to maintain a sustainable pace as much as possible.

Mindfulness – Find several flavors of mindfulness exercises that work for you.  See my resources section, or check YouTube or apps like Insight Timer, Calm, or Headspace for many guided practices.  Some key practices are focusing meditation (on your breath, music, a candle, an object in nature, etc.), listening to relaxing music or binaural beats, body-scan meditation, walking meditation, and loving-kindness meditation. My personal favorite is walking in nature, paying attention to your 5 senses.

Exercise – Any exercise will do – walking, running, bodyweight fitness, calisthenics, weight lifting, stretching, yoga, martial arts, sports.  Get your body moving and heart rate up with activities that are appropriate for your body and skill level.  Even doing pushups, jumping jacks, burpees, until you can’t do any more for 5 minutes makes a difference!  You don’t have to commit to a full training program!

Nature – So much has been written on the benefits of nature.  See here for a brief introduction.  Go outside and use your 5 senses (hear, smell, sight, touch, taste – well, be careful what you taste outside).  It can be just outside your home, your closest park, a patch of grass, your closest favorite trail, or a wilderness destination.  Just get outside!

Communication – Communication helps you get beyond yourself to connect with other people, nature, pets, or the transpersonal (spiritual) realms. This is a big topic, but for now, know that being able to effectively communicate to connect with others beyond yourself so you can express yourself creatively and effectively is another essential skill.  There are many effective communication skills and strategies that you can learn, and there are many blocks to communication that can happen in yourself or with others.  Taking time to develop the ability to communicate your wants, needs, ideas, requests, and feelings is essential for a healthy, balanced life.  Which leads to:

Emotional Intelligence – The definition of an emotion in the Psychology 101 textbook I used to teach from is that it is a subjective physiological experience.  That is, your feelings are yours, and they happen in your body.  The foundation for knowing yourself, effectively communicating with others, and managing your stress is emotional intelligence.  Some people say that our thoughts control our feelings, which has some truth, but really, our emotions are often way more powerful than our thoughts.  Our minds create stories to make sense of our feelings at least as much as our thoughts create our feelings.  Knowing what you are feeling, to what degree, and being able to be honest with yourself and the right others is an essential skill for being human.  Research shows that no matter what culture, education level, or level of industrialization of your community, all humans feel the same 5 basic emotions:

Mad (also known as frustrated, annoyed, etc)

Sad (also known as down, blue, moody, etc)

Glad (also known as happy, joyful, content, peaceful, etc)

Fear (also known as anxious, nervous, tense, etc)

Shame/Guilt (pretty self-explanatory, but helpful to distinguish between Guilt – a healthy emotion of I did something wrong and feel bad about, and Shame – I am bad)

Being able to identify our basic feelings is a foundational step to a healthy, balanced life, understanding ourselves, and relating to others. I invite you to add onto the traffic light or 0-10 scale exercise above by naming the feeling that goes with it and where it is happening in your body.

When the above 5 Foundational Tools are well developed, it will go a long way to help you manage your life more effectively and live with greater wellness and health.  Getting skilled at using these tools takes time and practice.  Our team of therapists can help you learn and refine these skills.  Further, when you need a break because the stress is just too high (you are at a “red light”) and none of these foundational tools are working, it’s time for something more basic.  That’s when the coping skills below come in handy.  Use the ones that seem helpful to you, ignore the rest.  Everyone is different and likes different things.

So there you have it – 5 Foundational Tools to develop and 200 coping skills to help you live a healthy, well-balanced life.  If you get good at all of this, are living life effectively and are content, then give yourself a big congratulations!  That is something!  For many of us though, these skills are just the tools that make deeper exploration possible.  It’s difficult to do deeper therapy without these skills, but these skills are not the end of the road.  Once you are ready to understand the bigger picture patterns that create unneeded stress and keep you repeating the old patterns, you know it is time to seek an Inner Life Guide – a therapist skilled at depth work.  That is our specialty!


So, reach out when you are ready.  Whether you are at the beginning of the trail, haven’t yet left your home, or are deep in the wilderness, we’ll meet you where you are and guide you to greater health and wellness!

Big List of 200+ Coping Skills

Cognitive

  • Self-monitoring
    • Identify your stress level 
    • Identify your emotions
    • Identify how this shows up in your body
  • Cognitive restructuring
    • Challenging the truth/assumptions of your thoughts
    • Reframe with positive self-talk/reassurance
    • Say something kind to yourself
    • Say “I can do this”
    • Make a list of positive affirmations
    • List your positive qualities/strengths (and refer to it often)
    • Compliment yourself
    • Act opposite of negative feelings you’re experiencing
    • List things you are proud of
    • Make a gratitude list
    • Keep a daily positive experiences journal
    • Start a notebook with different inspirational and meaningful quotes
    • Make a “forget it” list
  • Setting and managing goals
  • Decision-making pros and cons
  • Brainstorm solutions to a problem you are facing
  • Keep an inspirational quote with you
  • Read a magazine
  • Write a thank-you note
  • Take pictures
  • Write a list
  • Schedule time for yourself
  • Write a story
  • Blog
  • Count to 100, then do it backwards
  • Do a crossword or sudoku puzzle
  • Play a word game on your phone/computer
  • Plan a trip
  • Write down your thoughts
  • Identify a positive thought
  • Make your day’s schedule
  • Make a to-do list
  • Write 
  • Journal
  • Plan a dream vacation
  • Research a topic of interest
  • Start your memoir
  • Start a blog
  • Research your family tree
  • Look at pictures you’ve taken
  • Start a dream journal
  • Do a puzzle
  • Write a short story or poem – refrain from self-judgement or critique – give yourself permission for it to be really bad if necessary
  • Count backwards from 500
  • Think of 3 foods for every letter of the alphabet
  • Play a video game
  • Visualize a stop sign
  • Notice and name 5 things you can see, hear, and touch.
  • Color a mandala or a page from an adult coloring book
  • Practice playing an instrument

Emotional

  • Cry
  • Watch a funny video
  • Name your feelings
  • Name the triggers to your feelings
  • Watch a sad movie/video
  • Laugh
  • Scream into a pillow
  • Smile in the mirror
  • Move anger through movement, slamming pillows, or throwing or breaking rocks
  • Find a way to amplify your feelings to catharsis
  • Feel fear, remind yourself you are safe (if you really are safe)
  • Make a list of things you are grateful for.  Feel the feeling of gratitude.  What does it feel like?
  • Tell someone you love them
  • Tell yourself you love and care about yourself

Somatic (physical)

  • Deep breaths – 10, then 10 more if needed
  • Progressive muscle relaxation – systematically tense and relax all your muscles
  • Do a positive activity
  • Play sports
  • Stretch
  • Take a walk
  • Practice yoga
  • Give yourself or someone else a massage
  • Ask for a massage
  • Go for a bike ride
  • Play with clay
  • Crawl and roll around on the floor
  • Visualize your favorite place
  • Listen to music
  • Eat a healthy snack
  • Jog in place
  • Do pushups, squats, jumping jacks, or anything to exhaustion
  • Hum your favorite song
  • Clean something
  • Use a stress ball
  • Dance
  • Sexual self-pleasure
  • Build something
  • Play with clay
  • Rip paper into pieces
  • Chew gum
  • Paint your nails
  • Garden
  • Paint
  • Drink some tea and pay attention to the temperature, flavors, and smells
  • Pet an animal
  • Organize something
  • Listen to nature sounds
  • Take a bath/shower
  • Use aromatherapy
  • Put on a face mask
  • Sing
  • Go for a drive
  • Watch television
  • Go shopping
  • Blow bubbles
  • Squeeze or suck on an ice cube
  • Sit in the sun and close your eyes
  • Throw rocks into the woods
  • Suck on a peppermint
  • Do the dishes
  • Make (and listen to) an upbeat playlist
  • Move your body to music
  • Scream into a pillow
  • Swim
  • Use a nicely scented lotion
  • Get a massage
  • Play hacky sack
  • Stargaze
  • Give yourself a facial
  • Play a video game
  • Watch sports
  • Wear soft/comfortable clothes

Transpersonal/spiritual

  • Pray
  • Meditate
  • Attend a church service, group meditation, or yoga class
  • Listen to a recorded inspirational or spiritual talk
  • Get out in nature and talk to a natural object, plant, or animal
  • Do self-generated ritual or ceremony
  • Talk with your deceased loved ones or ancestors

Behavioral and Social/relational

  • Behavioral activation
    • Complete something you have been putting off
    • Try a new recipe
    • Create a vision board
    • Make a bucket list
    • Call or write your senator to discuss an issue that’s important to you
    • Learn a new skill
      • Learn how to play an instrument
      • Learn how to read sheet music
      • Learn how to code
      • Learn 10 new words
      • Learn photography
      • Study and learn a foreign language
      • Take a class
    • Slow down, breath as you are doing things
  • Research something you’re interested in or would like to learn more about
  • Get enough sleep – keep a sleep log if sleep is a challenge
  • Take a nap
  • Volunteer
  • Go to library
  • Go for a picnic
  • Watch a movie
  • Draw/doodle/color
  • Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”
  • Play a game
  • Ask for and take a break
  • Enjoy a hobby
  • Shoot hoops
  • Shoot a bow and arrow
  • Take a day for self-care
  • Play an instrument
  • Reward or pamper yourself
  • Create art
  • Go for a relaxing drive out of town
  • Destroy something (that you can afford to lose)
  • Sew, knit, crochet
  • Make a collage of your favorite things
  • Work on the car
  • Cook or bake
  • Paint a room
  • Make a gift for someone.  Give it to them.
  • Give a small gift to a random person
  • Restore furniture
  • Play with a pet
  • Listen to music with a friend
  • Feed ducks/birds
  • Visit an animal shelter
  • Make your bed
  • Clean your room, kitchen, or whole house
  • Clean out your car
  • Turn on all of the lights
  • Fly a kite
  • Join a book club
  • Talk to a friend
  • Give someone a hug
  • Tell someone you are thankful for them
  • Express your feelings to someone
  • Smile at others
  • Meet a friend at a park, home, coffee shop, or restaurant
  • Get dressed up in a nice outfit
  • Put on makeup – fun, funky, creative or fancy and beautiful – your choice
  • Schedule an appointment for therapy

Tying it all together with practice accepting the things you cannot change,

Cultivating the courage to change the things you can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

A Tale of Two Businesses – Counseling vs Coaching

We are continuing to Grow and Offer More Ways to Explore, Heal, and Connect!

In 2020, Inner Life Adventures turns 10 years old!  The past 10 years of serving Northern Colorado – Fort Collins, Loveland, Greeley, Cheyenne, and Laramie has been an amazing experience.  Hearing so many stories of challenges and growth has shaped me tremendously. I want to thank you for your support in the last decade.

In the book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell suggests that reaching the 10,000-Hour Rule, which he considers the key to success in any field, is simply a matter of practicing a specific task that can be accomplished with 20 hours of work a week for 10 years.  I’d argue it also takes self reflection, improving the process, learning new ideas, and getting coaching or guidence.  Either way, I’ve learned so much from the experience of serving our community.  Knowledge combined with experience is really what creates mastery.

Never content to stay stagnant, in the last decade I’ve continued to train and learn the most cutting edge modalities, as well as some of the oldest and most ancient that modern day has forgotten.  In order to offer more non-traditional approaches, I have formed a separate company that offers nature based programs, including retreats, workshops, rites of passage, and connected coaching.  This new business is named “Reconnecting to Our Nature.”

Inner Life Adventures will continue as it has, offering mindfulness based somatic counseling psychotherapy.  In fact, Inner Life Adventures is growing in 2020 hiring clinicians in line with our mission and values.  We’ll be offering more couples and family sessions to help with your relationships and child behaviors.  We’ll also be increasing availability so you won’t have to wait weeks or months to get in.  I apologize to those who have wanted to get in that I have not had the time for.  Hopefully this change will make these services more available to you.

Reconnecting to Our Nature will be growing alongside Inner Life Adventures offering more coaching, retreat, and workshops to help you find your own path to growth and healing.  Reconnecting to Our Nature is informed by my training and experience with the nature connected work of School of Lost Borders, 8 Shields, Jungian Psychology, and the initiations, Rites of Passage (such as vision quest), Ritual, and council I’ve experienced through training and apprenticing with men’s organizations and various idiginous elders.  Guiding you to become the leader of your own life. 

What’s the difference between coaching, counseling, and psychotherapy?

The truth is, the lines are blurry.  There’s a lot of overlap with things that both good coaches and therapists do.  That’s why there are so many providers out there and a million different answers.  One of the biggest differences is the depth of background and experience.  Having a deep background and experience matters because that is the source of intuition and creativity for those situations that don’t fit the standard patterns, tools, or templates you can find online.  More specifically, here’s what we think and why we created a separate business for coaching and programs.

Counseling and psychotherapy is a regulated profession with specific laws about record keeping, relationship boundaries, scope of practice, confidentiality, etc.  Coaching is not regulated, though there are becoming more certifications and professional organizations seeking to standardize and create ethics to keep clients safer.  Those are guidelines and not laws.  There of course are pro’s and con’s to both approaches.  There are many amazing coaches out there, and also many that don’t have the experience or training to really be effective long term.  One of the benefits of counselors is you know they have standard training and are bound by the same laws and ethics to get and maintain a license.  

One of the drawbacks to a licensed counselor is the pressure from insurance companies and licensing boards on only using evidence based practices such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) or DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). This is especially true if you are utilizing managed care (insurance) who can dictate how many sessions, what diagnosis, and audit your records to ensure the therapist is adhering to their idea of what your care should look like. These approaches work for some people in some situations, but newer research shows the long term effect of CBT is not as strong.  It’s a great start, but we are more interested in going deeper to address the core patterns for lasting long term change, not just short term gains that are lost again.  

Further, when people try counseling and the first attempt doesn’t work, they blame the counselor or worse blame themselves for not being a good enough client, rather than expand the picture to see what is really happening and what else could be effective.  That is where your provider having a broader background and skill set can be more effective.  Some of the newer modalities or older nature based modalities don’t have the evidence base as the standard fare, but for the right client can be effective.  Our approach is finding the right path for you, not forcing you to the path that research showed worked for a lot of other people.  It may work for you, it may not.    Utilizing a coach with broad experience and a variety of skills and tools to use with you can help you find the right path for you quicker rather than forcing you into the traditional models.

That said, for some people the structure of predictable weekly hour long sessions, being able to pay less by using insurance, and staying grounded with tried and true practices that have lots of evidence base is exactly what is needed.  That is why we are continuing to offer therapy in a professional office setting by licensed professionals.  And for those that would rather explore in a more open way with an experienced guide, coaching and nature based work is an option as well.  In either approach, it is up to you to decide which path(s) you are wanting and willing to go down.  We have the skills and ability to guide you in many different directions.  We won’t force you into the direction traveled by most everyone else when something else is calling to you.  Together we’ll help you find your unique way, wherever that may lead.

In town or in nature – we’ll meet you there

In short, Inner Life Adventures counseling and psychotherapy when what you need is the safety, stability, and structure of professional counseling, in an office, in town.  Reconnecting to Our Nature nature based coaching when you are ready to venture off the well worn trails, with a trained and experienced guide, into the wilderness and to learn better how to guide your own life. You don’t know what you will get with any given coach or counselor, but hopefully this guide has given you a few things to think about in making your choice with us, or whatever provider you choose if we are not right for you.

Living Bigger than Your Goals, Bigger than Yourself – Your Mission

A reflection on Relationship, Connection, Trust

Around the new year, I reflect on the past year and reevaluate my direction for the new year.  This year, I’m clear that I’ve made a lot of progress on my goals, and yet they are big enough that I’m still working toward them.  Sometimes it takes years or even a lifetime of revisiting and refining the same things to accomplish the things that are really important to us.  That’s what it is like to live your mission.  What is your mission?

My mission is connection.  Connection to myself, to others, to my community, and to the world as a whole.  And partly because we teach what we need to learn for ourselves and because I want to share the gifts and lessons I’ve

Taking Steps, Exposed, Vulnerable

Taking Steps, Exposed, Vulnerable

received in my life, much of the way I work with individuals, couples, and groups invites people into deeper connection with themselves, each other, and the world as well.  Your mission may be different, yet I’d bet there is something in what I’m learning about living my mission that will help you with your mission as well.  (Or if nothing else, you might find some ideas that help with your relationships.)

In recent years, I’ve learned that the two biggest things that hold me back are fear and lack of trust (which are closely related by the way).  So when I stumbled on a video of Brene Brown outlining what it really takes to trust, I ate it up.  It shined a spotlight on where I’ve been falling short in my mission and inspired me to take more responsibility for trusting and connecting – both to myself and others.  Wait, so what is trust?

Charles Feltman defines trust as this:  “Choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” And his definition of distrust follows with, “what I have chosen to share with you that is important to me is not safe with you.”  Wow.  That is clear.  So , how we you trust, really?  

To learn how to trust, Brene Brown dug into her own research and research by  as well-known relationship expert John Gottman. Gottman says: trust is built in small moments over time.  Stopping what you are doing to attend to someone in need or pick up the phone to check in when you are thinking about someone and asking about specific things you know are important to them builds trust and connection.  Failure to choose connection and support when the opportunity is there is a betrayal of trust and relationship.

Another surprising finding is that asking people for help when needed helps prove trustworthiness.  It shows we won’t take on more than we can handle and we will ask for help when we do.  When we don’t do this, people won’t come to us because they don’t believe we can handle what they want to ask or share. This one was huge for me and speaks so much about honoring ourselves and our limits and boundaries.

Diving deeper into trust, we see when we trust, we are BRAVING connection.  With ourselves and with others.  Brene Brown came up with the acronym BRAVING to describe in more detail the components of trust.

B – Boundaries – When I know your boundaries, and you hold them, and you know my boundaries and respect them, there can be trust.  Without clear boundaries and respect of boundaries, there is distrust.  Boundaries create safety; safety creates trust.  Its why we build fences and walls.  So much more can be said about this, I’ll save it for a future post.

R – Reliability – There can only be trust if you do what you say you are going to do and I do what I say I’m going to do consistently over time, not just once.  How many times do we not do what we say we will do.  “It was really great seeing you.  Let’s get together again soon for lunch.”  And it never happens?  I know it’s just a saying and everyone says it, but trust is broken.  Let’s just share the awkwardness of knowing it may be a while before we meet again.  Being reliable creates trust.

A – Accountability – You are allowed to make mistakes.  I can only trust you if when you make a mistake you are willing to own it and make amends and you can only trust me if I am allowed to make a mistake, be honest about it, and make amends.  Being accountable creates trust.

V – Vault – What I share with you, you will hold in confidence.  What you share with me I will hold in confidence.  When we gossip about someone sharing something that is not ours to share, we think we are connecting over juicy information, but we are proving ourselves untrustworthy.  Keeping confidence creates trust.

I – Integrity – I cannot be in a trusting relationship with you unless you act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.  What is integrity? Doing what is right, even when nobody else is looking.  Brene’s definition is far more challenging and eloquent. “Choosing courage over comfort.  Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy.  Practicing your values, not just professing your values.”  Let’s meet each other in integrity.   Being in integrity creates trust.

N – Non-Judgement – I can fall apart, ask for help, struggle, suffer, and make mistakes without being judged by you and you will find the same with me.  Without this, we can’t be safe to ask for help and we can’t truly reciprocate it.  When we assign a value to reaching out or needing help by thinking less of the other person or judging them in any way for what they are doing or feeling it destroys trust.  Or even more importantly when we think less of ourselves for reaching out or needing help, we are consciously or unconsciously thinking less of the other person for their needing help.  You can’t have true trust if you are judging the other person, or ourselves in big or small ways.  Acceptance creates trust.

G – Generosity.  Our relationship is only trusting if you can assume the most generous thing about me and my intentions and then check in about it if it doesn’t feel right.  I will do the same for you to help us both stay in integrity.   There is a lack of trust when we assume poor intentions and don’t check it out with the other person.  Assuming positive intentions and having unconditional positive regard creates trust.

Building trust, strengthening the weak spots, and sharing about breakdowns in trust facilitates connection.  Trust makes connection easy.

And these same principles apply to trusting and connecting with ourselves as well as trusting and connecting with someone else.  Looking at ourselves: How well do we know our own boundaries and honor them?  How often do we do what we tell ourselves we are going to do?  How good are we at admitting and forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and shortcomings?  How good are we at choosing who to share with and how much is in our best interest to share?  Are we in integrity with ourselves and our value?  Can we refrain from judging and being critical of our thoughts and actions?  Do we assume that we are doing our best and had positive intentions?  By these measures, do we really trust ourselves?  Can we achieve our mission if we don’t trust ourselves?

When we become aware we are not trusting or in connection with ourselves, reflecting on these definitions can give us benchmarks.  This map shows us where our obstacles are to deeper relationship,  trust, and connection  are happening so we can name it, repair it, and ask for what we need from ourselves and from others.

To tie this all together:  Do you know your mission?  Are you living it?  In every small moment?  Can you achieve your mission alone or is it so big do you need the help and support of others?  You probably need strong relationship with yourself and others to achieve your mission. Do you have strong relationship and connection with yourself and others?  Do you trust yourself to achieve your mission?  Do you trust others to help?  If not, where are your obstacles?

Thanks for joining me on this small part of my mission.  Will you join me for more?

 

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

New Therapy Group for Teens

 

 

 

Join us for a new first of its kind hybrid group therapy and wilderness therapy group for teenagers locally on the Front Range based out of Fort Collins, CO.  This outdoor group was created to offer the best of coaching, therapy, and wilderness adventures to adolescents without the cost and time commitment of traditional backcountry programs.

This group is open to all teens of all genders regardless of “issue” who are simply looking for personal growth by getting outside and joining in a community of peers, connecting with themselves, others, and nature. Through exploring themselves, overcoming challenges, developing new skills,  and being guided by expert facilitators our participants learn to bring the best of the lessons and experiences of the outside…. in.

For more details, click here and or contact Chuck directly at [email protected] or 970.556.4095.

Download a pdf version of the flyer to print, email, and share with someone who could benefit.

Outside--in flyer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About Therapy

With so many “healers,” coaches, counselors, psychotherapists, and psychologists out there practicing thousands of methods, there are many misconceptions about what therapy is and isn’t.  I can’t dispel all the myths, but here are a few things I’d like you to know.

alone in the woods1. People who go to therapy are not crazy.  You are not crazy.  

We all have challenges and unique ways of approaching them. Most people feel like they are unique and nobody has ever had the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that they have. Guess what? We are all human. There is nothing inherently bad, embarrassing, or shameful about anything you are thinking or experiencing. Most of us only feel this way because we don’t take the risk to be vulnerable and share the details of our inner worlds with others. You can be assured, no matter what you are facing, it may be challenging, you may be coping in ineffective ways, but you are not crazy.

2. Relationship is everything.

There are literally thousands of theories and techniques for doing therapy. You know what the one thing is that research shows will be a predictor of a successful outcome? Relationship. The level of trust and safety you feel with your therapist is the best predictor of success. If you don’t feel able to explore the deeper levels of truth first with yourself and also with your therapist, it will be really hard to make lasting changes. Trust and relationship take time to build, really. It can’t be rushed. It is the most important thing we will do. Nobody exists outside of some sort of relationship, and most of us have limited or no access to a truly supportive, deeply caring, and profoundly accepting relationship like can be developed here.

3. I’m not here to give you advice.

You will probably want it at some point, but I am not the expert in you or your life. You are. My job is to help you gain more trust and confidence in your own ability to lead your own life. I will gladly offer talkingreflections of what you are saying, what it seems like you are saying that you are not aware of, and questions to help you get more clear, but your life is yours to live.

4. My job is not to psychoanalyze you.

See above. A good therapist will not claim to have all the answers. I certainly don’t. We are humans just like you. You are the expert in you. My job is to help you peel back the layers to become even more intimate with yourself, so that you know and feel that you are indeed the only one who can be the expert in you. And you are the only one that can make the changes in your life. My job is to be curious as we explore the unknown together, and maybe I can guide a little and empower you to continue with your own self-leadership.

5. All emotions are welcome. Especially anger.

Most of us have a challenged relationship with our emotions. Either we don’t feel or acknowledge them at all or we are totally ruled by them. Neither is helpful. Emotions serve a purpose: they repel us from things that aren’t good for us and bring us closer to things that are. Ignoring the wisdom of your emotions results in poor decision making and disconnection from yourself. And yet if your emotions are controlling you, you probably could use some balance by engaging your thoughts and rational mind more. The point is, therapy provides a safe and welcoming space where all your emotions are welcome, valid, and supported, even the ones that get a bad reputation such as anger. Emotions are an important part of being human.

6. You will probably backslide to old behavior patterns and I won’t judge you.

Most of us have been engaged in habitual thinking and automatic behaviors for a long time. There is a saying in neuroscience that says, “neurons that fire together wire together.” The longer you have a habitual way of thinking or behaving, the more that pattern gets imprinted in our brain. Our old patterns are kind of like the most popular hiking trails near town – they are well-trodden and easy to find. But when you try to make changes to your thinking and behaving, it is like starting a new trail by simply veering off the main trail. It takes many times walking the new path to wear it in, and even then it is still faint. It is much easier, safer, and more comfortable to stay on the familiar trail. It takes much more effort and intention to forge a new trail, but with time, it will also be easy for you to find and then you will have a choice of which path to take. Relapse is part of the change process, it is not failure. This is another reason it helps to have a guide who knows the terrain.

7. You deserve to be happy and only you are in control of that. I want to support you in having the life you want.

This is a complicated topic, but I want you to know that you only have one life and you deserve to enjoy it. Even if the changes you want to make seem huge and there are a lot of factors that seem in your way – relationships, finances, family, job, education, and more, there are ways to be happy in any circumstance, and there are ways to move toward something better for you. It’s worth it.

8. Therapy is weird. And special. And priceless. And takes courage.

Before people come to therapy, they usually try almost everything they can think of to do it on their own. Some approaches are helpful, others are not. People come to therapy for all kinds of different reasons. Therapy can help with many mental, emotional, and relational challenges – and even some physical (somatic) symptoms. But it can be hard to meet with someone who is a total stranger at first and talk about the most vulnerable and personal things that we sometimes don’t even want to share with our closest friends or family. And that is part of what makes it special and priceless. For most of us, we can’t find any other relationship like this where it is safe to talk about anything, and have it met with 100% acceptance, no judgment, and even some gentle support on how to do things differently.

Our automatic habitual thoughts and behaviors are mostly unconscious. Without outside input, it is likely we will stay stuck doing and thinking the same thing. When you are ready for a trained guide to take you out of the familiar and into a new life, we’ll be here. See you then.

~chuck

Edit: Right after publishing this, I came across this post written from a therapy client.  Great insights from an experienced client’s perspective.

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let’s continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email [email protected].  Want to meet?  Here’s how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

You are Good Enough

It is a trap – feeling good enough.  So many people I know, myself included, have a complicated relationship with feeling good enough.  It is a constant desire to improve, to be better, to do more, and accomplish more.  We think this is a good thing – who doesn’t want to improve, be better, and accomplish more?  So not

Photo by D Sharon Pruitt

feeling good enough is helpful to a point that it can provide motivation to grow and improve.

However so many of us fall prey to the dark side where it leads us to not feeling good, period.  Not feeling like where we are and what we are doing right now is good enough can lead to dissatisfaction, disappointment, sadness, and eventually depression.  Obviously, when we believe we are not good enough in this way it brings us down rather than motivates us.  It saps us of our energy robbing us of our drive and ambition.

When confronted with this paradox, most of us put up a fight. We don’t want to let go of the feeling that we are not good enough and accept that we are actually good enough.  We fear that we will stop striving for more if we let ourselves feel good enough as we are.  We ignore how much the belief that we are not good enough is limiting us – causing us suffering because we are stuck, and we think telling ourselves we are not good enough will provide the motivation to become unstuck through our striving to be good enough.   But by feeling not good enough we don’t have the energy to move.

Obviously, there is nothing wrong with wanting to grow, improve, and be a better person.  That is what I attempt to help people do every day.  So yes, take the time to define who you want to be and how you want to improve.  Define the person you see yourself when you are living life fully and feeling good about it.  It gives us goals to strive for.  And we have more ability to reach our goals if we aren’t beating ourselves up about not being there now.  The feeling “I want to be…” is only helpful as long as “I am good enough just as I am” is also equally true.

~chuck

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let’s continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email [email protected].  Want to meet?  Here’s how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.

Planning Your Route

Setting Positive Intentions to Transition Into 2013
Over the past couple weeks, I have thankfully had more time on my hands. I have been using this time to stay home, be with family, reflect on the intentions I set for 2012, and acknowledge everything that happened and what I’m still working towards. One thing I know for sure is that if we don’t take the time to reflect and set our road map for next year, we have no guidance and no way of knowing if we are on track with what we want with our lives. So I wanted to take a few moments to share a little bit of the process I use with you to use to develop your own map.

Intentions Worksheet
First, these ain’t no “I want to lose 10 pounds” kind of resolutions. We don’t want to put all our attention into what we don’t want and focus on the negative. Instead, we are going to focus on more of what we do want. When we fill our lives with the things we do want, there is less room for the negative things we don’t want. To do that, it helps to start with taking stock of what we do have. It helps to start with reviewing your intentions from last year, but if you didn’t set any, you can review the year month by month with the key events and look for the blessing and the good things that came out of them.
Once you have reviewed your progress and acknowledged your gifts for the year, you are ready to clean your mental state to prepare for next year. Find some time where you can be alone and uninterrupted. Take out a blank sheet of unlined paper or you use the template I created for you and grab a pen or some colored markers or pencils. You will do this in two stages, first looking at the internal then the external. You will ask yourself some questions, then sit quietly, then jot down some intentions.
  1. First, ask yourself, “What kind of person do I want to be?” “What do I want to give to the world?” “What qualities do I want to grow and develop?” “What qualities do I want to have more of next year?”
  2. Now close your eyes and sit quietly for at least 5 minutes and watch your mind. You are not trying answer the questions directly, but just watch what comes up. Don’t dwell on any one thought. Just note it and let it go.
  3. In the center of your page or in the center circle if you are using the worksheet, write some words that represents these qualities of you that you want to grow and develop next year. Some of these words may be things that showed up in your silence, some may be words that show up right now as you are writing. Both are fine.
  4. Next, you will look at more external things you want to call in and have more of in your life. Ask yourself, “What do I want more of in my life next year? “What will make life more enjoyable?” “What do I want to spend my time doing?” “Who do I want to spend my time with?” “What will make life more meaningful and fulfilling?”
  5. Again, close your eyes and sit quietly for at least 5 minutes and watch your mind. You are not trying answer the questions directly, but just watch what comes up. Don’t dwell on any one thought. Just note it and let it go.
  6. Now, surrounding the center circle containing the things you put on your page earlier, write some words that represent what you want to have more of next year. Again, some of these words may be things that showed up in your silence, some may be words that show up right now as you are writing. Both are fine.
  7. The last step is to connect the dots. We can make movement toward our goals easiest when we take small steps. Too big, and our fear gets the best of us and we don’t move at all. So connect the dots with 1-2 small actions you can (and will) take to move toward the things you want more of in your life. If you are not taking the step, it is too big. Make it smaller until you have something you actually can and will do.
  8. When you have it all complete, step back from your page and look at it from a distance. Does this represent what you want for next year? What will it be like when you have it? Is there anything missing? If so, feel free to go back and add a couple things, but don’t get to carried away. Keep it simple.
This process can take days or it can take 30 minutes. For me, it is usually a combination of both. I start asking myself the questions days in advance and then sit and do the exercise above at one time. The more time and space you can give yourself to do this the better, but as always, find what works for you.
Once you are done, either put this paper in a place where you can see it daily like your bathroom mirror or refrigerator or you can put it in a special place where you will make a point to revisit it 2-4 times next year. At the very least, now you will have some direction to check back in with next year to see if you are on track with what you want in your life, or you are getting distracted and lost. When you check back in throughout the year, you can simply ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing getting me closer to these guideposts or farther away?”  Redirect and adjust as necessary   Chances are, just by taking the time to do this, it will be like setting your compass bearing and you will end up closer to your target than if you never defined your waypoints to start with.
This process helps you define your map so you know which direction you are heading, but remember, most worthwhile journeys have obstacles, detours, and changes of plans. Most significant changes take time, so it is important to keep your steps small enough to take and acknowledge the progress you are making.
If you use this process, I’d love to hear how it goes for you. Feel free to send me an email with any thoughts, comments, or feedback. Best wishes for an exciting and abundant new year! I hope it is the best year ever!

~chuck

What do you think? Better yet, what do you feel? What do you experience? Let’s continue the conversation! You can find me at www.innerlifeadventures.com or email [email protected].  Want to meet?  Here’s how.

Chuck Hancock, M.Ed, LPC is a National Certified Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of CO. He has completed comprehensive training in the Hakomi Method of Experiential Psychotherapy, a mindfulness mind-body centered approach. Chuck guides individuals and groups in self-exploration providing them with insight and tools for change. He also incorporates nature as a therapy tool to help shift perspective and inspire new patterns.